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Saturday, October 31, 2015
Halloween is the worst day to have an actual, bleeding injury
I mean, no one is going to believe you...
Redditors are a bunch of anti-social people taking part in one of the largest and most diverse social gatherings in human history.
I'm gonna go hide in a corner now.
Friday, October 30, 2015
If your professor just recites the textbook back at you during class, it's effectively adult story time.
Just a thought I had today about grad school.
There should be an app called 'Bullshit', where you select a conversation topic you want to bullshit your way through, and the app finds some recent research based opinions.
Does this count as me patenting the idea? If so, sweet.
All tests should be open book. It's not like your future boss is going to say, "I need those tax returns finished by noon, but don't look at any of the financial statements. Do it all from memory."
Edit: I should clarify by saying this thought is inspired by tests that are just rote emesis of factoids, vs. the use of skills, critical thinking, process knowledge, etc.
Goku and the Z Fighters were really lucky they encountered bad guys in increasing order of fighting ability.
If the show opened with Goku and Krillin fighting Cell or Kid Buu, the series...wouldn't have lasted very long.
When I was a kid, I thought the "key to the city" actually opened all the doors in the city.
I never thought about it just being a ceremonial key they give to people in shows and movies.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
No where in humpty dumpty does it say hes an egg.
A small realisation that has changed my favourite childhood book
Saying how big a file is in KB is like saying how old someone is in Months
"This game is 102429kb" "This human is 132 months"
Like the proton or neutron, the crouton literally means "small particle of bread crust"
From the French "croûte" = crust (of bread)
In Taylor Swifts 'Blank Space' she dropped her new found boyfriends Galaxy S5 in a shallow pool because she was jealous, the S5 is waterproof up to a meter.
She galaxy S5 is waterproof up to a meter (3ft 3in) for 30 minutes and she dropped it into a ~1 foot pool in hopes to break it.
Good job, Taylor.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
We tell kids to not take candy from strangers, but have an entire holiday dedicated to taking candy from strangers.
One of our top few biggest ones, too.
Who the hell figured out how butterflies work? Was there just someone randomly in the right place at the right time, or was someone deliberately following a caterpillar around like "this bug is up to something cool and I know it."
Update: TIL Maria Sibylla Merian literally did exactly that.
If we find aliens I hope that'd be the impetus to clean up the planet...just out of embarrassment.
"Oh god I'm sorry I thought I was alone."
Monday, October 26, 2015
I wonder how many chickens actually die of old age...
I mean we must control a vast percentage of the global chicken population and kill most of them prior to what would be their natural death.
When a Pop-Up ad appears, not once have I considered using their service before closing the ad.
In fact, I'm now less likely to use it.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Comedy Central should have a 2nd channel showing stand-up comedians 24/7.
Comedy Central should have a 2nd channel showing stand-up comedians 24/7.
If lightsabers ever get mass produced the companies name should be Sith & Wesson.
EDIT: Autocorrect corrected company's to companies. Sorry about that!
The trees planted on city sidewalks should be replaced with fruit trees, so the homeless have something to eat in the summer and fall.
I've always thought it would be a good idea to help the homeless by planting fruit trees on streets. Not to mention if your just walking you can pick something for a snack.
Maybe Yoda is Human and that's just what Humans look like when they turn 900.
Has the secret of his race been under our noses the whole time?
Friday, October 23, 2015
"You're not" and "You aren't" are two different ways to contract the same sentence, and the same length.
It's like there being two shortcuts that are both the same length and lead to the same place.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
500 years ago, pirates were a real danger and were not considered cute. I wonder if, in 500 years, kids will be dressing up as Islamic Terrorists for Halloween.
EDIT: RIP my inbox. By the time I finish reading new comments, I have 6 new comments.
EDIT: Please stop trying to push your political agendas here. This is just a joke. Please keep the politics in /r/politics or /r/worldnews.
If Marty McFly showed up today, he wouldn't need to change clothes. We would just think he was a hipster.
Sorry for another BTTF post.
When I make fried chicken, I am rubbing a corpse with the embryos of its own offspring.
Like, coat chicken in chicken eggs, then roll it in crumbs, then fry it. Kinds metal.
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Yelp is suing South Park for $10M because of their recent episode, meaning they're essentially getting upset at them over a bad review.
Update: Perhaps they're not suing them. Regardless, this is shower thoughts, not naked news (toilet humor! (literally! (I'll stop now)))
Amazon should have an option to donate to charity if your short on free shipping
Title says all
Edit: used the wrong your, should have used you're, thanks autocorrect.
If I start watching Back to the Future II at 4:25:39 PM today, the time circuits in the movie and the actual time will line up exactly when they first arrive in 2015.
They appear in the future 4 minutes and 21 seconds into the movie. The time circuits read October 21st, 2015 4:29 PM.
*Edit - The time circuits are obviously tuned to Pacific Time since it's the middle of the afternoon when they land in Hill Valley.
In the 1980s, when Doc Brown was programming the time circuits, daylight savings time ended on the last Sunday in October (this changed in 2007, but wouldn't matter either way since today is before the last Sunday).
So it is likely that the time circuits were displaying PDT, meaning the actual time I need to start watching the movie is 7:25:39 PM, Eastern Daylight Time.
You never see anyone with acne in old historical pictures
(Reposting my thought after I accidentally deleted it)
But I don't just mean the glamorous old Hollywood photos. I also mean everyday pics like the old western pics from the 1800s
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Preparing for a party, I just bought $20 worth of food at the grocery store. I added it up and the food had ~6000 calories. I bought enough food to fully feed a grown man for three days, and it only cost 2 labor-hours worth of money. The modern world is amazing.
Edit: Guys, I realize this is neither a healthy diet nor the absolute maximum calorie/dollar that you can get. I also know that the US minimum wage isn't enough to live on and that there are other costs of living besides food. This is /r/showerthoughts, it's a thought I had, let's move past the nitpicking.
Monday, October 19, 2015
People don't "try to grow a beard", they just stop preventing themselves from growing a beard
Basically they finally allow themselves to achieve their true potential.
Smartphones are really the Pokédexes we all wish we had as children.
You can even speak to them the way Ash spoke to his.
Sunday, October 18, 2015
When translated, "The Los Angeles Angels" literally means "The The Angels Angels".
This was on Jeopardy the other night, but I thought it belongs here.
It must be so scary for blind people when the lights go out and people start gasping
Remember in school when the lights would go out and everyone in class would just start freaking out? How would you like to be the blind kid who had no idea what the fuck was going on
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Everyone thinks I'm a slob by having garbage in my car but really it shows I dont litter
You guys make me laugh. I am no lazy slob i simply wait until convenient to throw out some trash.
Facebook needs a "Mute User's Shares" button so I can keep up on family news without dealing with the inane "Repost if you Agree!" bullshit.
99.9% of the time I'm interested in original content, not the modern equivalent of an email forward.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Can't a Knight in dirty armor be just as, if not more, heroic than a Knight in shining armor? In fact, a Knight in shining armor probably didn't do much fighting and is probably a coward anyways.
And his dad is the king or something. Or he's just that badass that he can't be touched so his armor is still shiny.
During the day you can see only one Sun. At night, you can see over two thousand Suns.
Edit: For those curious about more information. I was. (http://ift.tt/VhZZJR)
Edit 2: More fun (http://ift.tt/1Ozf9Ds)
Reading sheet music is like reading a book, except the little voice in your head hums instead of talks.
I mean, think about it. When you read sheet music, you generally hear the tune in your head unless you've never read the music before/don't have perfect pitch. But when you read a book, you hear your own voice or whatever voice you decide to read it in.
Let us take a moment to appreciate the horse, the most farted upon creature ever.
My g/f is going to see this tomorrow and accuse me of calling her a horse.
Brake light intensity should match the amount of force used on the brake pedal, and should flash when breaking hard.
I'm stuck in traffic on 76 and thought of this.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Anytime I see the phrase "100% real meat" I immediately think "this is not 100% real meat".
Anyone else dislike this phrase?
The juice and cookies at the blood donation center aren't free. They are paid for in human blood.
Or at the very least made possible by human blood.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
The concept of "white privilege" makes me feel like a fuck-up for not having my life together.
edit. you guy sure do seem to have a lot to say about this
In Back To The Future II, Marty McFly travels to 21 OCT 2015. As of today, we have only one week left for the franchise to feature time-travel into the future. After that, all the BTTF films will feature Marty travelling into the past from our perspective.
In a way, this is the end of an element of our collective childhoods... watching Back To The Future II and thinking excitedly about the future and what it might hold.
The future is here.
The only thing I would actually pay an arm and a leg for would be a futuristic, robotic arm and a leg.
It's a stupid phrase and people who use it are stupid.
Or not. It is silly though.
Another 4 years and "The Simpsons" will be able to play a different Halloween episode every day of October.
Another 21 and you could run them for a full 24 hours on the 31st!
Monday, October 12, 2015
How bad was the accident that caused the "Don't run with scissors" rule to be so widely enforced?
No one in math ever said don't run with a compass
Scary movies should put high pitched sounds only dogs can hear so your dog will start acting crazy for (seemingly) no reason at the scariest parts.
Every time I'm watching a scary movie alone at night I take my dog with me if I go to the kitchen or have to pee, assuming that if someone/something threatening is around, he'd alert me. If he was scared too, I'd probably have a shit fit.
When people say "I'm 99% sure", they are probably have more certainty than someone who says "I'm 100% sure".
Just got to that conclusion while thinking about an argument I had with my brother.
just-shower-thoughts steals our content using a bot and doesn't even give credit to the source. Follow showerthoughtsofficial.tumblr.com to see our OFFICIAL hand picked thoughts and images!
Apologies to subscribers of r/ShowerThoughts for this seemingly nonsensical post.
There's a very popular tumblr page that uses a bot to 'steal' all of your content, without providing any links back to the source. I've known about it for a long time but didn't think much of it. Today I finally noticed it was a bot, so with this post stickied there's a chance that this message will be sent out to all of their followers as long as the bot doesn't know any better.
Edit: HOLY SHIT IT WORKED
Anyone who wants to follow our official Tumblr page (I'm sure there aren't many of you): http://ift.tt/1FZoSjW
I've started making some really simple images to post to various social media channels - you can see an example here.
Self-driving cars will occasionally be pulling up to a destination with a corpse inside, the sole passenger having expired during the trip.
Of course the optional health-monitoring package could divert you to the hospital in case of such an emergency...
Sunday, October 11, 2015
When self-driving cars become popular, they will need to have an alarm to wake me up once it gets me to work in the morning.
Maybe even incorporate a toaster so that I can make breakfast on the way.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
I go to illegal torrenting sites openly but visit legal porn sites in incognito
and yes i understand the websites themselves aren't illegal xP
Friday, October 9, 2015
Schools in the Marvel Universe will have the coolest history lessons
"Today we will learn about Loki's alien invasion of New York"
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