Sometimes I try it...
Thursday, March 31, 2016
(as a guy) Trying to pee in the toilet in darkness is a practical human use of echolocation.
You know where to adjust the stream based on the sound you hear until you can hone right in on the sweet spot.
James Earl Jones has 2 famous lines - "I am your father" as Darth vader, and " You are my son" as mufasa
Edit: lol I know he has more famous lines. I was just thinking about these two
If I ever have a kid, I'll live out in a rural area and decorate the house entirely in thrift store 80's memorabilia. His whole life I'll make him think he was born in 1980 until his 18th birthday when I'll say, "Surprise! It's 2038!" Then we'll both laugh at what a good prank that was.
No text found
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
John Cena and The Rock should be in a movie together as cops who go undercover as wrestlers.
I think that would be amazing and hilarious.
What if the eagles in Lord of the Rings are regular size and everyone else is just really small?
We only ever see the eagles as large when we compare them to the characters. What if they're all Lilliputian?
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
There should be an option on your phone that sends an away message when your phone dies and people are trying to reach you
Got out the shower and phone had died. Smh.
Monday, March 28, 2016
If you accidentally die in the process of faking your own death, did you fail or were you overqualified?
Where is Philosoraptor when you need him?
Selfie could easily be a another word for masturbation.
Like blowie for blow jobs or handie for hand jobs.... You get the idea.
I would rather spend 10 extra minutes driving on an empty road than be in traffic.
I think I just like the feeling of having progress.
Sunday, March 27, 2016
Doing literally anything will help you lose weight "along with diet and exercise."
Licking a book. Closing one eye while pooping. Etc.
What if everyone has super powers, but they're just really oddly specific so no one discovers their super power?
Like having the ability to quote the entirety of Shakespeare, but only whilst completely covered in milk while eating a pomegranate.
If God doesn't have an ego, praising him is a waste of time.
Nothing against religion, but if the Dude is actually enlightened, he wouldn't want praise.
I don't pay attention to usernames unless someone says "username checks out."
In case you were wondering, I'm an Army medical doctor and my best friend is a high functioning sociopath.
Instead of "you are not connected to the internet", laptops should really say "i am not connected to the internet"
I'm sick of my laptop telling me i'm not connected to the internet when he's the one with the problem.
Saturday, March 26, 2016
It took me 28 years to realize that the triceratops' name in Land Before Time is Cera, not Sarah. It all makes sense now.
I always assumed it must have been some kind of nepotism for someone's daughter since the other names were all so much more literal.
This has been a big day for me.
Will Ferrell should star in an comedy where he and three other comedians are members of a washed-up Boy Band past their prime.
Consider it Ron Burgundy or Step Brothers meets Spinal Tap. Are you kidding me?! Comedy gold!!!
Friday, March 25, 2016
When a famous person dies, does Wikipedia just click a 'dead' button which changes all the words "is" to "was"?
Probably asks for a date too....
I would much rather watch Gandalf vs Dumbledore than Batman vs Superman
Please someone in Hollywood read this
Being rich and famous is like having cheats enabled in a game. It's exhilarating and fun for a bit, then you get bored, do crazier and crazier things and soon you stop playing.
The most addictive and long lasting games are those that make steady progress with some built-in randomness.
I wish Boxing was allowed at the Special Olympics
I realise that it's too dangerous, but I imagine ratings would increase substantially.
Never in my entire life have I been naked for 24 hours straight...
Probably not even 4-5 hours.... that needs to change
Thursday, March 24, 2016
When restaurant staff sing "Happy Birthday" and embarrass you in public, they are effectively deterring people from asking for free birthday food.
I once went on a trek around my city for my birthday trying to get as much free food as possible. Only one place did not sing to me. It's the only place I go back to on my birthdays.
Only on reddit can someone take serious legal advice from someone under the name SretchedAnus77
Edit: I now realize my fuck up and I can only hope for an un-sretched anus.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
As a girl, I have taken for granted my whole life that we can't get awkward boners
Thought about this while reading sexual fanfictions in public
I wonder how many times i have been approached by a spy but got the key phrase wrong.
"excuse me sir do you have the time"
"time for you to get a watch!"
"Here is the package, you have 10 hours to secure the kill and make the drop"
"...shit"
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
If an hourly worker is involved in a hostage situation at work, do they get paid for being there? Does that make them a professional hostage?
Is that something they could list on a resume?
PornHub on mobile should have a "one-handed" mode.
Edit:
In this thread:
-Trump hands
-An app that detects the desire and shame in your eyes
-Side buttons for easier playback control
-A dickprint sensor to launch right into the good stuff
We are now so desensitized to terrorism that the Brussels attack is off the front page in less than 10 hours.
Major outlets barely even report the attacks outside of the West.
The dog park is the only place on Earth where you can pick up girls with a steaming bag of shit in your hand.
The other day I had to put down a massive turd sack to get this girls number.
Also I am a very emotive talker, lots of hand gestures and such. I have to watch that because if I don't I end up waving a bag of dog dump around in the air to make my point.
Monday, March 21, 2016
I find it slightly saddening that two friends could never attend each other's funerals.
Edit: Thanks Lauren for the thought. (:
As a procrastinator, sometimes I wish I never found out about Reddit.
Just like with Youtube, there is an infinite amount of things you can look at when you're stalling. This is the 8th week in a row where I wasted my weekend procrastinating on Reddit instead of doing my college assignments smh.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
I'd like a subreddit where everyone with the username "PM_ME_YOUR_(stuff)" post everything they get PM'd.
Obviously privacy concerns make it unlikely, but you have to wonder what's hiding out there.
Sometimes I have trouble spelling a word close enough for spell check to correct it
I used spell check to correct the post...
Saturday, March 19, 2016
I would love to watch a Romcom where the fiancé is a great guy, the deadbeat guy who tries to steal the girl away is just a dead beat, she doesn't cheat on her fiancé, the wedding goes well, and they live happily ever after.
What a great movie that would be.
A good relationship, a douchebag trying and failing to break them up, a happy wedding, the groom to be doesn't suddenly become a horrible person halfway though the film. I'd watch that
V, The Roman numeral for 5, is the top half of X, the Roman numeral for 10.
I'm 23 and just now realizing this...
Caffeine is the only drug I'm addicted to, but my nation's drug policy tries to convince me that my occasional use of marijuana and LSD are the real problem.
I live in the US. Drink a cup o' coffee and get back to work, slacker!
If I was a pornstar, I'd be pretty god damn salty that Kim Kardashian is number #1 on Pornhub
Those ladies did all that hard work to reach the top of their profession.
It would be better if she actually did something good in the sextape, but all she does is perform second rate oral and then go into starfish mode.
Friday, March 18, 2016
What if instead of buying plastic bottles for shampoo, conditioner and body wash, we had refillable containers and there were dispensers for each brand at supermarkets/convenient stores.
edit: I had no idea this actually happened elsewhere (I live in NJ). To those saying it wouldn't work, most of your reasons aren't good enough reasons to use so much plastic. But hey, just a thought.
Your future self is desperately wishing you would do something right now.
Taking into account all the things you wish you would have known when you were younger, what is your future self wishing you would do?
Thursday, March 17, 2016
When you procrastinate you're basically telling your future self, "Fuck you, you do it"
I hate my past self so much. He's such an asshole.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
I want to live my life in such a way that I'll end up in a Google Doodle.
I'm hoping for a cute HTML5 animation showing how much Cheetos I ate.
In the Lion King when simba sings "I just can't wait to be king" he's just singing about "I just can't wait for my dad to die."
I can't listen to the song without thinking about what he is really saying
If you aren't at least a little ashamed of your country's history, you don't know your country's history.
... regardless of where you are from.
Edited to add, a number of people are confusing 'ashamed' with 'personally ashamed'. I'm not suggesting we are responsible for the actions of others before our lifetimes.
Kim Kardashian would get a lot less attention if people stopped wondering why she gets attention.
I realize all too late, I am part of the problem.
The change machine gives you the best odds of any machine in the casino
This one hit me in the shower of the Venetian in Las Vegas.
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
When I think of a '20 year old game console' I think of the NES and Atari 2600. In fact, in 4 years (2020), the Playstation 2 will be 20 years old
And the Nintendo 64 turns 20 this year, happy ca-kay day!
Superman could probably be more effective in saving the world by offering himself as the ultimate source of renewable energy.
I'm thinking giant hamster wheel generator or maybe steam turbine with water heated by the lasers/solar energy punched out by his eyeballs.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Maybe I should start a Science version of Jehova's Witnesses and go door to door teaching people about science.
FYI...I'm all for people's right to believe whatever brings them peace, and contentment. I'm all for everyone's right to worship as they see fit.
But I was listening to a podcast of my favorite radio show while in the shower, and they were talking about Jehova's witnesses, and what it must be like to have the door shut in your face so much.
And I thought..."huh...I could go door to door teaching people about science, asking them things like 'well, what has religion done for your comprehension of how the world works?'" and give them pamphlets to phys.org or something.
Silly but part of me still wonders if this would work.
If you round Pi, its no longer truly round.
Rounding pi to 3.1416 means its not the distance around a circle divided by the distance across the circle anymore, thus losing its true roundness.
Edit: Also, happy pi day everyone
By doing nice things you are creating "good luck" for other people
For example, if you leave a dollar in a fence and later someone who needs a dollar sees it and takes it, that becomes good luck for them.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
There's an instagram account using everyone's posts without crediting them
IG: showerthoughtdaily. Is everyone okay with this? They have never credited reddit as a platform or any of the individual users. They just take the top post at the time and post it as their own original idea.
When I'm in a hurry every slow or easy going driver pisses me off. When I'm not in a hurry every aggressive driver pisses me off.
Either way I hate driving in the city.
Saturday, March 12, 2016
It's 2016 and we still haven't figured out a solution to that thing that happens when you try to call someone and they go to call you back but you're calling them at the same time and no one can get through
I mean when you call and they don't answer for whatever reason and you call again but they're trying to call you back at the same time. It can go on for an unreasonable amount of time
Dipping Dots started out as "The Ice Cream of the Future" and gradually became the nostalgic ice cram of my childhood
Dippin Dots started out as "The Ice Cream of the Future" and gradually became the nostalgic ice cream of my childhood
I wonder how many times the members of Fleetwood Mac had to explain "no, HE is Lindsey and SHE is Stevie"
For context, Stevie Nicks the female lead singer, and Lindsey Buckingham the male guitarist.
I no longer need to know how to spell big words. I just need to get close enough.
Thanks spellcheck and predictive typing
Friday, March 11, 2016
Thursday, March 10, 2016
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