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Saturday, April 30, 2016
The first person to receive oral sex must have been very persuasive.
If you think about it. It sounds crazy to say outloud
I wonder if homeless man's dog ever thinks "geez this is the longest walk ever".
My brother just told me this and had to share.
Friday, April 29, 2016
On May 2, the anniversary of the first Loch Ness Monster sighting, Reddit Gold should be $3.50.
Edit: Thanks for the gold! Does this make me the Loch Ness Monster now?
Should I trust a pet shampoo that says it hasn't been tested on animals?
Does that mean my dogs are test subjects?
We are Canada's Mexico
Many of my friends talk about moving to Canada if Trump becomes President. Does this make USA the Mexico of Canada?
I wonder how many times I've said something in passing conversation that has stuck with someone for life
I was think about something a teacher said to me that i have never forgot and thinking she probably has no memory of the conversation at all
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Marijuana will eventually let the US switch to the Metric System
After weed proliferates the US, everyone will be familiar with grams, kilograms etc. Then we can eventually start phasing out ounces and pounds without people complaining, and then eventually we can phase the entire Imperial System out.
If they're putting Harriet Tubman on the $20, they should put Rosa Parks on the MetroCard.
EDIT: For all non-New Yorkers, the MetroCard is a card used to take public transit (i.e., the subways and buses) in NYC.
My mom and dad raised a family at 21. I'm almost 21 and I don't even know how to drive.
They were doing adult stuff at my age while I still feel like I'm 11.
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
In the 1960s when I watched the Jetsons, I would not be surprised to hear that someday I would carry a small videophone with me. But if you told me I would hardly ever use it and instead would communicate by laboriously typing short messages on a tiny keyboard, I would think you were crazy.
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Reddit comments seem smart and intelligent, until it is a subject I'm knowledgeable in.
At that point I am wondering who upvoted the dumbest comments straight to the top!
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Humans have a fear of aliens coming to Earth with superior technology and killing everyone but that's exactly what happened to the Native Americans.
Imagine having people and ships on your shores with guns and willing out everyone.
I don't follow the "respect is earned" philosophy. I respect everyone automatically and then each person has the opportunity to lose my respect based on their behavior.
"respect is lost" doesn't quite have the same impact though, does it?
Is the moral of The Tortoise and the Hare, "slow and steady wins the race" or "cocky, lazy and napping loses the race?"
The Tortoise didn't win because he was "slow and steady..." he won because the Hare was an idiot and SLEPT IN THE MIDDLE OF A RACE. If he didn't take a nap, he would have totally beat the Tortoise.
Monday, April 25, 2016
The progress bar for 'safe to enter Chernobyl' hit 1% today.
It is said that it will take 3000 years for the city of Pripyat to be safe for humans again.
Today is the beginning of the thirtieth year.
Sunday, April 24, 2016
I have never seen a frog sit on a lily pad.
I was led to believe as a child that this occured pretty frequently. Where do I go to see this.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Playing Mario gets me a lot more angry/violent than GTA ever will
I used to get frustrated at any Super Mario game because of the twitch gameplay skills it requires, but Grand Theft Auto is straight forward and very lenient in comparison. It seems the violence between the games has no comparison.
Edit: redundancy is redundant
Funny how sentences starting by "Funny how" aren't funny at all
And rather involve a deeper reflexion on subject
If someone kills in the name of god, He/She actually destroyed his creation to please him.
That's like an overly attached creation.
Telling a person they should feel guilty due to their 'privilege' due to race, sex, etc. is essentially a secular version of 'original sin'.
Making people out to be inherently bad due to simply being born a certain way is not any different than telling people that they are guilty of sin from simply being born.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
can you cencor a female nipple with a male nipple?
if so, can you just photoshop a male nipple onto a female and will it be SFW?
Drugged out 1960's rock legends are out living all the 1960's astronauts who were the best physical specimens our nation could find at the time.
I mean, 6 of the Mercury 7 are dead but we still have 5 of the 8 people who have been in the Rolling stones, and 50% of the Beetles are still with us.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
If you're over 30 you were alive before every dog in the world.
Also every cat.
And every dog that was alive when you were born is now dead. This means there are no dogs left that were alive before 1986.
And if you are in your early thirties, every dog that is currently alive will most likely die before you do.
Considering that Anakin was educated at the Jedi Temple he was basically a school shooter.
... or, Slasher, I guess.
Where the Jedi Council is the preps or jocks or whatever that won't let him hang out with them.
In my teens I looked for girls who were virgins. Now that I'm older I look for women who aren't moms
I was raised very religious and I thought non-virgin girls were to be avoided. My attitude changed over time when it became hard to find a girl who was still a virgin. Now that I'm in my 20s I try to avoid single moms, but maybe someday when I'm older I will have to accept single moms too.
Monday, April 18, 2016
Whenever I start to feel like I'm different or unique I come on Reddit and realize there are thousands of people just like me
This sounds more dramatic than I meant it. I don't see this as a bad thing... I see it as "there are plenty of people that could potentially be Turk to my J.D. In this world"
There is a spot in the middle of my back that has probably not been sufficiently washed for > 10 years.
Standard issue shower thought.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
I wonder how many item features I don't know about because I have never read a instruction manual for anything.
I just found out the lamp I have owned for 5 years can spin the opposite way
A person from 150 years ago would be terrified by modern stuff. However, a duck from 150 years ago would just be all like, still got lakes? yes ? okay cool
A person from 150 years ago would be terrified by modern stuff. However, a duck from 150 years ago would just be all like, still got lakes? yes ? okay cool
if you had enough money, you could buy out facebook and just delete it
as in the entire website. imagine the mayhem.
In light of the recent Amber Alert, I wish they would follow up with a message/text that the kid was found safe.
I think this would help future Amber Alert's effectiveness .
The Cellphone has probably destroyed the alarm clock industry.
And a number of other industries. Home landlines.
Saturday, April 16, 2016
Programming is just witchcraft with technology
We use specific words and phrases to produce the desired result Usually done with like minded groups, but can be done solo Use of tools that no one else recognizes Can be seen as dangerous or a threat to the general public, mostly because they don't understand what we do
If pennies cost 1.7 cents to make, why not hollow the center out like a 5-yen coin until the cost of materials is 1 cent?
not really philosophical or existential but I thought of it in a shower. I mean for whatever reason congress hasn't decided to stop producing this useless coin so why not change the design to not spend needless money?
Friday, April 15, 2016
I wonder if the picture that will be used for my funeral has already been taken?
My apologies for the question mark.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
People who decide not to have kids probably are the ones who should
Not a shower thought but a stuck in traffic one.
When something is pickled, the word pickled is added onto the original food name. Except for cucumbers.
Pickled eggs, pickled onions, etc..
But pickled cucumbers are just.. Pickles.
What if cats want to sit on our keyboards because they think that we are massaging it the way we do when we pet them?
I could understand the thought...why not get under the rain of finger pokes...
Ever noticed how supervillains are always trying to change things and superheroes always try to resist the change?
Some of the changes are even arguably good! Or if a hero tries to cause a change he becomes a bad guy and other heroes try to stop him/her. Of course there are some exceptions every now and then (many times for the sake of retcon or origin stories)
One day, history students might need to memorise the most popular memes we used.
But only the dankest.
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
A haiku consists of three stanzas that follow a pattern of 5/7/5. If you divide five by seven and then by five, you get 0.142857142857. This number, when read aloud, is a haiku.
Zero point one four
Two eight five seven one four
Two eight five seven
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
I wonder if I've ever played against the same random person in two totally different online games without even knowing it
Like playing someone in LoL and then in Rocket League. Or the guy you invaded in Dark Souls just happens to be the guy you killed on your Minecraft server.
Sunday, April 10, 2016
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