They should put alarms on car keys that go off when your car alarm goes off.

It would make it easier to know when your car alarm is going off and not someone else's. Plus, if you have an alarm going off in your pocket/purse you're more likely to do something about it instead of just let it go off for extended periods of time.

I wonder how many people have successfully hid from me when they saw me walking toward them.

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Finding Bigfoot has been on the air for 5 years. It should be called Not Finding Bigfoot.

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Spoons are just bowls that can fit in your mouth.

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Eventually someone will die in a self-driving car and it will keep going to its destination

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I've met tons of people named "Christian", but not one person named "Jewish".

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When there's an earthquake, coffins become huge underground maracas.

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