If you want to be a good liar, you have to make people think that you are a bad liar.

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Everything in the world is either a potato or not a potato

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When people say every cigarette takes 5 minutes off your life, that isn't a medical reason, it's the 5 minutes it takes to smoke it.

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Going on a Safari to the Amazon is a lot different than going to Amazon on Safari

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I hope one day if I ever have kids, after watching my kid playing an online game, I get to say after a match, "Now, what do you say?" and they say "ugh" then proceed to type "gg"

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Becoming an adult feels like slowly being put into a managerial position you didn't really want

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Cellphones should have 2 passwords for unlock, one which would be for you and unrestricted.. the other would be for you parents/friends that wouldn't show awkward applications/photos

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