Friday, January 1, 2016

Darth Vader is the most relatable character in cinema to asthmatics. He depends on a respirator and force chokes people, knowing how much not being able to breathe sucks.

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Every time one of my children shows a slight interest in something, I take a few minutes to plan the rest of their lives around that thing.

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on April fools day, PornHub should change the mute button to a full-volume button

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I'm drunk at the end of every year and drunk at the beginning of ever year.

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Due to the evolution of bacteria with respect to our bodies natural defense mechanisms, traveling forward in time could kill you, and traveling back in time could kill everyone.

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An American and an Australian if born right this second would have a different birth date by day, month and year. If the American moves to Australia they would still be older.

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It's been a full ten years since we properly appreciated how easily the handwritten numeral 5 can be changed to a 6.

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