You know you're becoming an adult when you already own most of the needed ingredients for a recipe.

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Turning off your Wifi at a party you were hosting and waiting to see how long it took for people to notice would be a good indicator of how much fun people are actually having.

Or a good way to make people leave early, but I digress.

I have "Save the Date" magnets on my fridge that have lasted longer than the marriage.

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I don't have a inner voice, I have 3 inner voices. One that says what I'm really thinking, one that calls me stupid for thinking that and one that tries to explain my point of view.

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My Reddit account is 666 days old today. I guess that makes it my Devil's Food Cake Day

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I can never flirt with an attractive bank teller because she will always know how poor I really am

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I wonder if they took leap day into account on my milk expiration date.

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