If you took the whole solar system and shrunk it down so that the Sun was at your head and the orbit of Pluto was at your feet, Uranus would be just where you’d expect it to be.

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Masturbation is our higher-order brain functions tricking our lower-order brain functions into rewarding us for not reproducing.

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Isn't the freshness date on the milk carton really a spoiler alert?

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If God didn't want us to masturbate then he would have put our genitals right between our shoulder blades.

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I have never seen a picture of a Native American with facial hair.

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Growing up, everyone was worried that "the powers that be" were going to microchip us. With the spread of smart phones, we microchipped ourselves.

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If a human sperm cell contains 37.5 megabytes of data, and I have 215 million sperm cells, then I have an 8 petabyte ballsack.

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