No text found
Saturday, January 31, 2015
Why don't we plant trees with fruits in public places? They'd be beautiful AND useful.
You get an apple! And you get an apple! And especially you get an apple!
When Glinda the Good Witch asks Dorothy if she's a good witch or a bad witch, then immediately tells her that only bad witches are ugly, she's pretty much implying that Dorothy is kind of fugly.
EDIT: For all of the people telling me that "only" does not mean "always", I get it. It's still a passive-aggressive ass thing to say from one pretty woman to another.
Does Stephen Hawking still hear his own voice in this head, or has it been so long he now hears the computer?
And if he still does hear his own voice in his head, has the voice aged at all, or does it still sound as young as it did before he lost the ability to speak? I mean he's never heard an older version of himself talk, so presumably, the voice in his head would still sound like a young man, right?
Spicy food is like BDSM for your tongue
Its the way your tongue processes pain. It hurts, sometimes like hell, but it's oh so good....
tl ; dr
Sriracha
You can tell which of your friends don't Reddit when they like someone's plagiarized Facebook status.
This dude won't stop stealing top comments and putting them as his Facebook status. It's pissing me off. Irrationally so.
We think "talkie" sounds like a really outdated word for films but everyone still calls them "movies"
EDIT: We also call them films even if they were shot on digital video.
Friday, January 30, 2015
If there's ever an X-men movie solely about Mystique, a mirror would make a great movie poster.
Or maybe a portrait picture with a mirror as just the head?
If I can´t handle you at your worst, you´re probably a horrible human being.
I´m looking at you Marilyn Monroe...
I hope that the saying, "It's going to be like World War 3" never gets old.
Because that would suck.
Having a pet is weird if you think about it. You don’t speak the same language, you create a strong bond by rubbing against each other and sleeping together, and you might accidentally step on their tail once in a while but at the end of the day, you’re best friends from entirely different species.
No text found
Adblock should buy out signs around time square and replace them with "This ad has been blocked by Adblock"
For bonus points buy only half of the signs and write in small print "for better ad protection, get Adblock plus"
Thursday, January 29, 2015
MTV should create a channel called MTV Classic where they only play what was on on this exact day at this exact time 20 years ago.
Or at least make a streaming service where you can pick from 90-00 shows.
Murphys Law of the internet: If something can offend someone, it will offend someone.
Seriously, people need to calm down....
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
What if Santa actually does give presents to good children but there aren't any good children
Like, Old-Testament strict-ass requirements for morality and you have to sacrifice goats and shit to get pure enough to get presents and no kids do that ever so there are no presents ever.
McDonald's and other fast food joints should put "eat responsibly" at the end of every ad.
If the ad or poster or whatever said "eat responsibly" they should be able to serve whatever calorie loaded thing they want. Its on tje consumer 100% at that point.
If Wikipedia wanted to reach the donation goal quicker, they should hold "blackouts" around exam weeks.
You know, Basically hold the website hostage until X amount of money is received. I remember Wikipedia blacking out for a few hours to protest SOPA and PIPA.
My problem with Thousand Island dressing is that at least 800 of those islands are mayonnaise.
Edit: wow, thanks for the gold!
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
When Alex Trebek finally retires from hosting Jeopardy, he should make one last appearance...as a contestant
This dude has been reading trivia clues and collecting responses for the last 30+ years. Think of how much knowledge he's absorbed in that time. He's gotta be damn good at trivia by now. He could give some of the bigger names a run for their money.
Game companies like Hasbro and Parker Brothers should have a hotline to immediately settle rule disputes.
This would immediately settle (and probably tear apart) disputes between families and friendships, but you don't play Monopoly unless you're willing to lose a few friends.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.
What's fucked up is we're on like USB 3.0 now, what do we keep doing wrong?
In the event of a world apocalypse, and cannibalism became a necessary evil, I’d eat vegetarians, because they’re the human version of grass fed steak.
I have no idea if anyone has ever had a similar thought, just thought I'd throw it out there.
No offence to any vegos out there, I'm just saying you'd probably be tasty.
Monday, January 26, 2015
I correct autocorrect more than autocorrect corrects me.
I guess computers aren't bad at spelling, they're just bad at reading minds. (Why haven't I disabled this counterproductive feature)
I wish Hugh Hefner would give away the Playboy estate in the same fashion as Willy Wonka...
The movie could be Timmy and the Titty Factory
IF YOU TYPE SOMETHING ALL IN CAPS ACCIDENTALLY, you should be able to highlight said text and reverse it by hitting the caps lock key.
it's 2015, why has this not been implemented into windows yet?!
If your IQ is low, people will look down on you. If your IQ is REALLY low, you get special treatment and people go out of their way to do nice things for you
Society logic
(Not complaining about it or saying it shouldn't happen, just pointing it out)
If the President was on my property, I would have some degree of authority over him.
As in, I'd be able to set rules on what he can do, kick him out if I want, etc, even though he's the President.
A cheeseburger is cow meat covered in its own coagulated milk. We then put the cows food (lettuce, tomato, ect.) on top.
This seems so very mean... and tasty.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Netflix should have a "Watch Together" option that allows you to watch a show with other users
Sorta like how the dozen or so people who use Google Hangouts can watch Youtube videos together.
It won't be long before some organisation calls for the ban of the 'fat' Santa character.
He'll be replaced with a slim, fit santa with a gym membership who only drinks organic milk and free-range cookies.
I wonder if we will get to the point in car safety that a car crash will make international news like a plane crash does?
Was thinking about the AirAsia crash and a car crash that I saw recently and how one is big news and the other is relatively normal and wondered if we'd ever get to the point in car safety that a car crash would make international news like a plane crash does.
I wonder if anybody's ever named their son "James Bond Bond," so that when their name is printed last-name-first it's Bond, James Bond.
just a silly little thought I had...
Saturday, January 24, 2015
When kids are being taught to stay away from drugs in school, the teachers should end the class by showing "Requiem of a Dream" to really drive the point home.
To really show the down and dirty side of drug usage and counteract the glamorizing of drug use portrayed in a lot of other movies teenagers see...
Insurance must be crazy expensive in Metropolis and Gotham City.
Or any city with a super hero, really.
Cashcab would be so much better if they picked up drunk contestants trying to go home.
It would be funny enough to probably watch. Probably
Instead of saying "That's what she said" I've adopted a new saying, "That's how my Grandma died."
"It tastes better when you have two in your mouth at the same time." "That's how my Grandma died."
EDIT: wasn't really sure what commas to put in the title sentence, so if anyone wants to help educate me with that feel free.
I hope when I die I get to view all of my stats and achievements, with extreme detail.
How many times did I blink at 4:32 p.m. on Tuesdays while wearing a red shirt?
If you are having surgery, you should be given an option to charge random people to watch, and the proceeds go to your bill payment
It could be like the movies, but with real people.
If lifeforms 70 light years away are observing Earth, they will see the atomic blasts from Hiroshima and Nagasaki this August.
August 1945 was when the bombs were dropped. 70 years and 7 months ago.
Edit: I can't math. As of today, it would be 69 years and 5 months ago.
Friday, January 23, 2015
If taking someones life made your penis half an inch shorter, and saving someones life made it half an inch longer, the world would be a much better place right now.
EDIT: I get it, I should have written "different" instead of "better".
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Why can't Reddit ask "Home" or "Work" when I log in ?
Based on my selection, it can push contents/feeds. All those NSFW would automatically be disabled at work and I will be able to see them when I am home.
If I owned a fast food restaurant I would have a extra button for the teller to push if the person said "Please" or was kind. That way the cooks could know to add extra fries or something small since the person was so nice.
It should pay to be nice. You shouldn't get the same food for saying please as someone who stands up there and yells at a 17 yr old kid when its not their fault.
Imagine how great the world would be if extra calories were stored as hair instead of fat
Everyone would have hair and bodies like greek gods and you would just be able to cut it if you got tired of it...
Frozen's 'Let it go' was to this generation as Lion King's 'Hakuna Matata' was to the last.
Special mention to Madagascar's 'I like to move it'.
The person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with is out there creating memories that you'll hear about when you eventually meet them.
I was biking on campus just thinking and I realized that the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with is out there somewhere eating the greatest burrito they ever had, winning a local art competition, traveling abroad for the year, attending their favorite artist’s concert, scuba diving for their first time, losing a loved one.. And once you finally meet them in the future, you’ll be able to hear those stories that in fact happened at this very moment. I thought that was kinda cool to think about.
When someone says 'ten years ago' my immediate thought is not 2005...
basically I just can't believe it's 2015.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
You should be able to scan the barcode of books you already own and get an ebook version for free.
I've been meaning to consolidate my library at home and in my dorm for awhile now and this struck me as a fantastic idea. I could still read the books I love without having to take up space with a hard copy.
There are 171 people wealthier than Elon Musk. If they all did as much as he does, we'd have audacious, world-changing ideas being announced every couple of days.
EDIT: There are some great, level-headed responses and viewpoints coming through. I'd like to clarify that I'm not saying Elon Musk is some kind of hero, or that none of those other ultra-rich people are doing good (Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, the Google guys etc. spring to mind and are obviously doing great things for philanthropy and technology).
I was simply trying to provide a bit of perspective on what could be possible if they all had that attitude. Lookin' at you, Waltons.
Fast food restaurants should make drinks that you purchase at the drive-thru cheaper because you can't get refills.
EDIT: Front page, awesome! Thanks guys!
If I had a dollar for every time I said "dollar," I could spend the rest of my life repeating "dollar" over and over and I still wouldn't come close to being the richest person in the world.
Average speach speed (140wpm) * 60 minutes * 16 hours a day * 365 days * 50 years= $2,452,800,000
Amazon Prime Movies should have a category called "Not on Netflix" for people who have both services.
EDIT: Hat tip to u/Step_Into_The_Light for finding this tucked away deep in the bowels of Amazon. Sadly there is still no way to do this if you, like me, use the app instead of the website.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
I wish employers told you why they didn't hire you so you can better prepare yourself for the next interview.
Sucks when you think the interview went really well and yet no response.
Three big name directors should be given the same script and told to make a one hour movie with them being given complete creative control. The three movies should then be played one after another as a feature film.
It would be an interesting way to see how different direction can lead to contrast in films.
Car alarms should be as easily changed as ringtones so that way in the middle of the night you can garuntee your car isn't going off.
I mean every car alarm sounds exactly the same so if I get to pick what sound I want, I'll give a fuck at 3 am.
edit: Im good at english most days (guarantee)
Congress should only be allowed to give themselves a raise if the federal minimum wage is increased by the same percentage.
Hey, "cost of living" goes up for everyone, right?
Monday, January 19, 2015
The opposite of "Never Forget" is "Always Remember", but they mean the same thing
To clarify:
I meant this as a joke, as this is most obviously the point of this subreddit. That is, essentially mocking completely useless realizations.
It's obvious that two positives do not make a negative, but I pointed this out for the sake of humor, not for unnecessary disputation.
If women are most attracted to tall men and men could care less about women's height, why don't men wear the high heels?
Seriously what dude cares if a girl is now 5'9?
Sunday, January 18, 2015
If you created a virus that stopped iOS alarm clocks, you'd destroy the U.S. Economy.
... At least for a day. There are almost 64 million people who own an iPhone. Many U.S. it as an alarm clock in the morning. If 20% of the U.S. Didn't show up for work, or least was very late, it would wreck our exconomy, at least for a day.
Humans are the only animals on earth that pay to live here.
Rent and mortgage. not sure if this a repost.
Where do vegans stand on Venus fly traps?
Clarification: I didn't mean that the vegans would eat the venus fly trap... that would be weird. It just seem interesting that vegans shun the norms of their species and refuse to eat meat. While the Venus fly trap shuns the norms of its kingdom and eats meat. They are kinda like opposites of each other. Would they respect the venus fly trap's choice? Do they admire the venus fly trap for breaking the norms like they did with humanity's eating habits? I promise I haven't been hanging out at /r/trees . Maybe I should.
I text "hahaha" when I am actually laughing while reading a message, and "lol" when something is only mildly amusing. Weird.
This is what the world has come to.
Saturday, January 17, 2015
The parental guidance feature on IMDB is for parents to see if the movie is suitable for their children, I use it to see if its suitable for me to watch with my parents
I have no idea where to look during sex scenes
You can find cats almost anywhere on the Internet. Anywhere, of course, except "cat.com." There you will only find Caterpillar brand equipment.
I messed up the url on my first attempt. Thanks to the redditor who was kind enough to point that out.
"Separated" is written all together and "All together" is written separated.
The same is true in Spanish! (Todo junto vs. Separado)
Holding down the "print screen" button should create a video or gif.
Because I'm too damn lazy to use Jing.
Friday, January 16, 2015
Where did the Ninja Turtles get the money to pay for all those pizza's?
I mean, it's not as if they had day jobs.
EDIT: Sorry for the error in the title. I wrote it in a hurry on my phone.
I wish we had the ability to dream together with other people. Like multi-player dreaming.
Like if two people shared a bed together, there would be a slight chance that both enter the same dream!
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Expecting people to go 8 hours in an office setting without farting is unrealistic.
And don't gimme any "walk into the bathroom" crap... By the time you get there, the urge is gone.
Because of how the Tectonic Plates are shifting, Pearl Harbor will eventually invade Japan.
Maybe not the most scientifically accurate, but still strange to think about.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
We were all one masturbation away from not existing...
You could have just ended swimming on a clinex
There will be noone alive to change our wikipedia status to "extinct"
When the last human is dead that is
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia should do a crossover episode with Bar Rescue
Paddy's Pub gets rescued by Jon Taffer
Why aren't we more amazed that parrots can talk?
We just smugly dismiss them! "Oh, they're just mimicking human speech." It's a BIRD that can TALK, people!!!
The people that design bills/coins (dollar, euros etc.) are paid with their own work.
Same happens with people who print the bills and smelt the coins... I wonder if they just make extra ones and keep them...
People that say "What keeps atheists from raping, murdering, and stealing if they don't believe in God?" want to rape, murder, and steal from you but they're worried God will catch them.
Whenever anyone uses this as proof that atheists are untrustworthy or bad people, they're actually strongly suggesting that they themselves are bad people.
Turn it around and ask them - "is the only reason you're not doing those things is fear that God will punish you?"
Someone should create an apartment building only for people who work night shifts
Everyone on schedule, everyone happy.
Monday, January 12, 2015
We put an enormous amount of trust in the killswitch that turns off the microwave when you snatch the door open.
This thought occurred to me a couple of years ago, and I haven't done it since. I've never heard of one failing, but damn it would suck.
Whenever is see #jesuischarlie, I think it says Jesus is Charlie
It really confused me before I learned of the Charlie Hebdo incident
How It's Made should feature a segment on how How It's Made episodes are made
Filming, directing, editing, producing, etc.
If we call Doctor Who fans Whovians and and Star Trek fans Trekkies, we ought to call Sherlock fans Holmies
If we call Doctor Who fans Whovians and and Star Trek fans Trekkies, we ought to call Sherlock fans Holmies
Sunday, January 11, 2015
People born on June 9, 2000, will turn 69 on 6/9/69
EDIT: As pointed out, it would be September 6, 2000 for people in countries that write dates Day/Month/Year
Going on a date with someone is essentially a job interview to fill the position of boyfriend/girlfriend.
You don't get paid, but you do get laid.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
If Star-Lord hadn't been abducted he would have become Andy Dweir from Parks and Recreation.
I don't know what infinity gems are, and at this point in too afraid to ask.
There will be a day in my life that I will be the hottest, dapperest, most handsome I've ever been and ever will be.
Here's to making that day be in the future rather than the past. I'm going to the gym.
If all fingerprints are unique, and act as friction pads, then some people are inherently better at holding onto things than others.
Edit: To the "xyz is a bigger factor" people I'm not disputing that.
I wonder how many people's last words have been, "Dude, check this shit out!"
Or some similar variance.
I have two boys. One of their penises resembles my own, the other doesn't. I can only surmise that that is what my wife's junk would look like if she were a man.
I assume it works the other way as well, but I don't have any daughters.
Friday, January 9, 2015
Why don't they sing happy birthday when a baby is born?
It's their literal birthday so why isn't it normal to say it?
"How It's Made" should do a spinoff called "How It's Named"; it would give the history of how a certain object received its name.
Popcorn, Car, The Eroica Symphony, Helicopter, Computer, etc.
There should be a DEFCON system for NSFW posts.
I have no idea if this has been thought of or posted on here before, but it came across my mind and wanted to share it.
There should be degrees of just exactly how "NSFW" a post actually is. I've clicked NSFW content that just has some bad text, and have clicked on some that HOLY SHIT COCKS EVERYWHERE.
NSFW5 Could be maybe just a bad word
NSFW4 Someone in a bikini. Possibly accidental slight nudity
NSFW3 Hmmm those are definitely boobs
NSFW2 Yup that is DEFINITELY not safe for work. Hello Genitalia.
NSFW1 Umm, I'm never going to open this at work again and that is a lot of semen.
Cheese was discovered by storing milk in a calf's stomach. Coffee by a goat herder that noticed his animals acting hyper after eating the raw beans. Of these mistakes, two great gastronomic empires arose. I wonder what culinary delights are possible but the right mistakes haven't been made yet.
No text found
Thursday, January 8, 2015
If we made everyone drive stick it'd probably put a huge dent on texting while driving.
Ditto for huge phones like the iPhone 6+ and the Note
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)