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Sunday, May 31, 2015
The Earth is flying through space, and rotating on its axis. This means when you wake up in your bed in the morning, you're hundreds of miles away from where you got into your bed.
The Earth is flying through space, and rotating on its axis. This means when you wake up in your bed in the morning, you're billions of miles away from where you got into your bed.
Your birthday is hopefully the amount of time it has been since you last touched your mother's vagina.
Edit: I meant your age. I'm not a smart man.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
There should be a "meh" voting option on reddit, just an arrow pointing left or right, so that you can identify unread posts faster while scrolling.
posts with the most "meh" goes to the "meh page"...
If animated GIFs are popular, doesn't that mean silent movies are back in style?
And isn't using GIFSound kind of like the guy on the piano that used to play along with the movie?
Friday, May 29, 2015
The most popular search term in bing is probably "google"
The most popular search term in bing is probably "google"
Gilded comments should not be able to be edited.
People gild comments because the comments include intelligent or interesting material to read, so why can they then be changed to something completely different? And also, this would stop the "obligatory" gold edits we see far too frequently.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Tomorrow I graduate. In all likelihood at least one picture taken will be used at my funeral to remember me. Tomorrow I pose for my funeral.
College (university in UK) graduation. I didn't dig a massive hole of thousands and thousands of dollars of debt just to get mistaken for a high schooler. Oh shit...
There are 8 Billion people in this world, and someone has pooped the most.
It's important to have goals.
If Apple came out with a flip phone right now, everyone would buy it.
Even if you could only call and text
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
If you ever have to find an actual needle in an actual haystack, you could just burn the haystack.
Much less searching afterward and you get a nice bonfire out of it.
if the Americans bring down Fifa, we should allow them to call the sport soccer.
I'm from the UK, and I think that if our transatlantic buddies can bring down that gang of ringpieces, they can keep the word "football" and we'll have "soccer".
What if what we call "second wind" is actually when we level up and all our stats are upgraded
This just came to my brain... makes sense.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
Banks should provide you with an extra robbery/panic PIN, which locks the card from any further use in case you're being street mugged.
When you use that PIN, your balance on screen will be zero or very low, and some kind of alert signal/message will be sent out to the nearest police station, indicated that you're being robbed.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Someone had to intentionally pixelate a high quality image beforehand every time they wanted to say "enhance that image" in a movie or show.
"They need to think this technology exists." "Damn it, Jim. I'm a doctor not a pixelater!"
If someone who's considered a couch potato smokes weed, they would be a baked potato.
If someone who's considered a couch potato smokes weed, they would be a baked potato.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Being able to drink heavily quickly goes from a badge of honor as a 20 something, to a serious problem as a 30 something
It's awakening how my friends trophies my "heroic" ability to drink less than a decade ago; now it's borderline cause for alarm
Friday, May 22, 2015
Why are Christians so against same-sex marriage when Jesus had two fathers and turned out just fine?
edit: Yes, I know he didn't have two fathers the same way that a child with two gay parents would have. 'Just fine' refers to how he was a good person, not how his life turned out. It's not a serious question....
The phonetic alphabet for BJ is 'Bravo Juliette'
Now I need someone called Juliette to give me a Bravo Juliette
Thursday, May 21, 2015
People often say "I'm not made of money" as a reason not to spend it, but I think if we were made of money we would be more frugal, as it would be integral to our being.
We don't all go spreading out blood and organs around, and we are made of them, and to the right people they are worth money.
The Fat Acceptance Movement is the only movement that can be defeated by actual movement.
It's not like staying prone will help you lose weight... that is, unless you get lipo.
My cat unconditionally loves and trusts a giant more than five times her height and fifteen times her weight who could crush her by accident without even realizing.
Imagine living in a confined space where you can't hide or escape from the adult bull elephant that also lives there... and you're so comfortable with the elephant that you don't think twice about running between its legs, nagging it for attention, or climbing all over it.
Kids entering high school this fall weren't alive during the 9/11 attacks.
Them hearing about it is the same as my generation (I'm 28) hearing about the challenger explosion or Pearl Harbor. Anyone else feel old?
Sitting on a cold toilet seat is unfavorable. Sitting on a warm toilet seat is worse.
And sitting on a wet toilet seat breeds nightmares.
If input names like "hdmi 1" and "hdmi 2" etc. were editable on your tv, then you could replace the names with "x-box" or "DVD player" and you would save so much time flipping through
Edit:
TIL; I haven't spent enough time looking through all of my T.V.'s options
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Just because it's natural doesn't mean it's good for you. Nature has been trying to kill us off for a long time.
Now that we CAN make the natural things we rely on faster, better, stronger, higher yield, and/or less harmful, why don't we?
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
As a child, I wished there was someone like Superman to make things right for humanity. But now as an adult, I wish there was someone like Dexter instead.
Showtime's Dexter, not Dexter's Laboratory.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Saying a woman wearing a skimpy outfit is "asking for it" is like saying a guy walking around in a football jersey wouldn't mind getting tackled out of nowhere.
Just like he doesn't want to play football even though he's looking sporty, she doesn't want to have sex even if she's looking sexy.
Sunday, May 17, 2015
I wonder how many times I've passed people that I later meet.
Like have I passed a person in a different city but befriended them years later?
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Bars should have an area for designated drivers so all the sober people can hang out with each other
Be gentle my alcoholic friends
The only animals that seem to get fat are humans or other animals raised by humans
Edit: should have said obese not fat. Many animals are fat because that's simply the way they function. Only humans gain fat in such a way that it becomes a danger to our health.
The greatest trick the upper class ever pulled was convincing the middle class that the lower class are the problem.
Not trying to get too political... but too often I hear people shaming the working and poor classes for needing help... We should help those who need it. Meanwhile, not taxing the NFL and churches, and letting the upper class skate through tax loopholes, and overpaying politicians to sit on their arses all day and bicker over how best (or least) to help the people they were elected to 'serve'... We're vilifying the wrong people.
Well, maybe not Redditors... Using the Internet, many of us are intrepid in the ways of seeing through mass media agendas and seeking out alternative sources of information... but people as a whole. If you use Facebook, you probably know what I mean. If you started using computers back when it wasn't cool, when only dorks used computers, you certainly know what I mean.
Source: The Usual Suspects. Kevin Spacey's line, "The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist." And that's where my thought originated. "The greatest trick the upper class ever pulled was convincing the middle class that they aren't the problem." But it sounds better when you name all three in succession. Especially since the 'they' is vague and, particularly to English learners, could apply to either. I've been kicking it around in my head since... Might still need some work, but I like it where it is for now.
You should be able to yell "BE RIGHT THERE" to your phone and since it knows you're coming, it gives you a few extra rings before sending the user to voicemail.
And the caller could even get a "Hold on... they're on their way" message.
Friday, May 15, 2015
If people in GTA would wear their seat belts, they wouldn't get carjacked. It's their own fault.
Follow the law and keep your car
If you got your tongue stuck in a mouse trap, you'd start pronouncing it mouth trap, and that is also what it would be, and that is pleasing
(Previous poster had swiped this from my own brain and tweet: https://twitter.com/misterbrilliant/status/599162358477377536)
If Star Wars takes place " A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" and we know it takes light thousands of years to reach us from other galaxies. SO if we pointed our telescopes in the right direction for a long enough amount of time we could, in theory, watch Star Wars happen in real time.
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Someone should make a version of the film "Super Size Me" in which the person only eats meals served in a public school for 30 days
I teach at a public school and I'm always a little shocked by how bad the food looks/tastes. I had a chicken biscuit one morning that was monotone beige and somehow managed to have no flavor of any kind. All of the students at my school receive free lunch, and I know a lot of them don't have a reliable source of food at home, meaning they get most--if not all--of their sustenance from school meals. That's a worrying thought when you see some of these meals. I wonder what would happen to an adult's body if that was the only food they could eat for a month.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Google streetview cars should capture cell tower signal strength to put on a map the coverage and quality from different providers.
They already collect WiFi data
Most coverage maps now are estimates based on power of the cell tower transmitter and terrain. Few maps utilize field readings. To increase competition between carriers. Likely most beneficial to those in rural areas.
Porn is the perfect place for a pop-up scare to take place.
Your heart's already going fast, just about to blow, and boom --> heart attack. Whoops.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
I don't think I have once followed through when someone said "tell them I said hi"
I have disappointed alot of people
Tetris taught me that when you try to fit in you'll disappear.
Edit: First front page post! Thanks guys!
When you call 911, you should be able to press a number on the keypad that lets the operator know you are in a situation where you can't talk and need police help.
I feel like this could help a lot of people in home invasion/hostage situations
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Monday, May 11, 2015
I feel like ketchup isn't the best thing we could put on burgers and hotdogs, but it's just good enough that there isn't the need to invent anything better.
Cue the "i put this on that and i think that it's great". Mayonase is gross.
There should be a day called "Shitty Mother's Day" for those of us who were emotionally/physically abused as kids to celebrate getting away from our horrible, unloving narcissist mommies. Because not everyone has a great mom.
It could be tomorrow. Happy shitty mother's day eve everyone!
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
Cheesecake doesn't taste like cheese or cake
Edit #1: I'm still just as confused about cheesecake. I believe it should be a cream cheese pie
The difference between a badass and idiot can depend on whether they survived or not
For example if a man with a sword charges at a man with a gun and defeated him, that would be badass. If he charged and got shot, he would be seen as an idiot.
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