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Friday, July 31, 2015
You seldom realize how much you took for grated a good keyboard until oe of the letters stops workig
ad it's literally the worst thig ever.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
If Facebook is depressing now because of all the people getting married and having kids, it's going to really suck in a few decades when everyone starts dying.
EDIT: Yeah, a lot of people have one or two dead facebook friends, I have two myself, but how many friends do you have in total? Statistically you're going to outlive 50% of that number. Regardless of which social media conduit is prevalent at the time, the death frequency is going to get pretty grim before you add your name to the tally. If you're lucky, that is.
You are more likely to lose your job by being a dentist shooting a lion than a cop shooting a person
At least, depending on the color of the person
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
It's useless learning how to say "Do you speak English?" in another language
If you say the phrase in English and they understand, great, and if they look at you quizzically, you know they don't.
If I suffered from schizophrenia and heard voices, I would just wear a Bluetooth headset 24/7. Then if someone noticed me talking to myself, I could just point at the earpiece and nod at them.
I have a co-worker who always walks around while talking on his Bluetooth and this thought occurred to me this morning.
At some point, it's inevitable that a self-driving car will have to choose between killing you to save nearby pedestrians, or killing the pedestrians in order to save you. It's also inevitable that a business will exist that will allow rich people to pay to ensure that the latter always happens.
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Tuesday, July 28, 2015
If Jesus jumps off a cliff into water, would he go splat or splash?
This is based on the whole Jesus walks on water thing
Imagine if people put as much emphasis, desirability and effort into mental health as they did physical health. Gym selfies would look like "just worked through some baggage with my therapist! #mentalgains #brainspiration"
Muscles are nice but are often occupied by someone who you wouldn't want to talk to for longer than 40 seconds. Yes people go to the library and study and work and see their friends but having your shit together mentally isn't half as instagram-able as having a 6 pack. Although it's way more important.
EDIT: Twas a rash judgement above to imply that most people with muscles you can't talk to. I have PT friends that I really struggle to vary conversation with other than their own muscles, but obviously I know wonderful, well-rounded people who also gym and look good too.
Earth, where its intelligent beings are amazed at a cold, icy world billions of miles away, but are desensitized to the greatness which lies in their existence.
Celebrate your ability to perceive, enjoy your understanding of the understandable and take advantage of your faculty to love.
The little girl from The Ring hasn't been able to kill anyone in years now that VCRs are obsolete.
I just imagine her sitting around, wondering why nobody is watching her cursed VHS tape anymore.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Shouldn't billboards be illegal since they distract you from the road?
Edit: Apparently they are illegal in several countries. I live in America, where only about 4 states have banned them.
Anyways, loving the discussions! Keep them coming!
Every time I eat ice cream, I am willingly entering a world where there is less ice cream.
Ice cream makes people happy.
So I am responsible for making the world into a significantly less happy place.
Am I a horrible person?
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Google Maps Should Integrate Crime Data Into Their Walking Recommendations
Cuz like, maybe I don't want the faster way if it means I could get mugged.
Facebook is practically a Pokedex for humans
Facebook is practically a Pokedex for humans if you really think about it.
I would kill to see a live-action Pokemon movie with Danny DeVito as Meowth
Bonus: he doesn't wear a costume and nobody acknowledges it
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Trying to lift 1000 pounds or 1,000,000 feels exactly the same.
Forgot a comma.
Edit: I guess 1,000 wasn't high enough.
Friday, July 24, 2015
The kids who sold newspapers and yelled "extra extra" were the original clickbaits
Read all about it! You can lose ten pounds eating the same things, find out how!
What if the numbers 3 and 4 were mistakenly switched by accident shortly after being invented? A "4" is drawn by using three strokes. A "3" looks like an "8" split down the middle. And half of eight is... four.
If there was a Nobel Prize in Mathematics, I'd win it.
How are business shorts not a thing for men yet?
Women get to wear dresses and skirts in the summer and here I am in the same pants I wear all year long sweating. Whats up with that?
Thursday, July 23, 2015
I wish The Walking Dead would do another spinoff show that includes a completely new cast every season (similar to how True Detective works). Every season would chart the story of a different group of survivors from the beginning of the outbreak to when they meet their inevitable demise.
edit: Wow. this has kind of blown up. I have been getting a lot of comments of people wanting to watch a show like this!
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
If an angel were to come speak to me, I'd be more convinced I had schizophrenia than that God existed.
Maybe this would be better in /IGHTFT (imgoingtohellforthis)
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
Masturbating to pictures in the Harry Potter universe would be extremely uncomfortable for the people in the pictures.
The wizard moving pictures obviously
Monday, July 20, 2015
Sunday, July 19, 2015
If I could have a low-key super power, I would want a natural bug repellant.
Having that I could explore all the jungles and other places without having to deal with fucking mosquitoes.
Seriously, fuck mosquitoes.
I wonder how many pictures there are with me as a random person in the background.
I'm at a wedding working as the audio mixer and there are so many people taking pictures.
Saturday, July 18, 2015
If my birthplace is my spawn point, and I died right now, it would be about a 120 mile walk for me to get my stuff back.
Someone probably would've already looted my body by the time I got back to it, too.
If a zombie apocalypse happens, 2 out of 3 zombies in the US would be overweight and likely not very fast.
Also 75% of male zombies would be overweight, and 1/3 of all zombies would be obese.
Friday, July 17, 2015
Ever wonder how many strangers have thought you were attractive in passing
Like, I see beautiful people everywhere, but how often were you that beautiful person at the gas station or on the bus or whatever?
Antarctica has the highest average IQ of any continent.
...And by definition, it's actually lowered the collected average IQ of all the others, just by being populated.
I'm literally a god when it come to exaggeration.
comes* fuck. I'm so stupid, I should probably kill myself.
Thursday, July 16, 2015
Bart Simpson has been 10 years old so long that you can have viewed him as a cool older boy when you were 5, and a snotty little kid when you're 30.
Many of you might have been younger than him originally and have kids that are now older than him!
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
A baby centaur would have a bottom half that could run almost immediately after birth and a sloppy top half that's neck couldn't support its own head.
Making it the funniest baby to watch.... Until it shakes itself to death.
There should be a dating app called 'Dealbreaker' where you lead with your worst qualities so there are no surprises
And no duck face in the photos.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Parents spend the first 20 years scaring their kids into not getting pregnant, and the next 20 wondering why they won't.
having a kid is going to ruin your life... why dont i have grandkids yet?
Satoru Iwata was one of the most important people in my childhood and I didn't even know his name until yesterday.
RIP, thank you for everything <3
The fact that Jessica Biel decided NOT to name her son Batmo is quite a missed opportunity
The fact that Jessica Biel decided NOT to name her son Batmo is quite a missed opportunity
9 years ago: didn't own a laptop or smartphone. Today: I'm watching satellite images from Pluto on my WATCH.
WatchPop on a Pebble Time, if anyone is wondering.
But DAMN the world has come a long way since then...
If a rain dance brings water will a tap dance bring beer?
I made a philosoraptor me me for this a while ago. Still want it to be true.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Basketball players go to Europe/rest of the world if they can't make it in America, and soccer players come to America if they can't make it in Europe/rest of the world.
Edit: I guess "nearing the end of their careers applies as well"
Full House is actually realistic, because it would take that many adults living together to make the cost of rent in San Francisco.
Actual thought I had while showing minutes ago.
A baby born today probably has more pictures of itself within the first 24 hours, than its parents had of themselves in their entire childhood.
I'm actually writing this one while in a bathtub. /bathtub thoughts
Sunday, July 12, 2015
I wonder how many words do I know, but have never used?
Unfortunately posting any of these words makes them irrelevant.
The grass *is* always greener on the other side, because your line of sight passes through more (green) grass before hitting the (not green) ground at a shallow angle than a steep angle. So looking at a point in the grass far away will look greener than a point near your feet.
Shitty paint drawing . The line of sight on the right passes through more green before hitting the ground than the line of sight on the left.
Saturday, July 11, 2015
This is probably the first time in history where men are wanting to see a movie about a teddy bear, and women want to see a movie about strippers.
Edit: At the same time Edit 2: 1. Apparently the first two films came out at the same time 2. I reposted from Facebook? Apparently?
"Www" is 9 syllables long, whereas "World wide web" is three syllables long.
We should change the way we say it to save valuable time.
Around Christmas, the Fanta company should send out a "Fanta Claus" who gives out free soda to everyone unexpectedly.
Around Christmas, the Fanta company should send out a "Fanta Claus" who gives out free soda to everyone unexpectedly.
Edit: Fanta is made by Coke, and is not its own company.
At our D&D game tonight: "Acquired taste is the Stockholm Syndrome of the culinary world."
We were discussing hot peppers and how exceedingly hot peppers are require time and effort, a required taste. Our monk offered this gem.
Spider-Man invented web shooters and webbing that can hold the weight of a car. He could make millions on the patent and change the world. He keeps it to himself.
I can't even begin to imagine all the real world applications that webbing would have, from search and rescue teams, non-lethal force weapons for police and military, mountain climber safety, tracking and capturing wild animals without hurting them...
Friday, July 10, 2015
If Digg had used Reddit's "Gold" System, users could have been Gold Diggers.
What a missed opportunity.
What if black holes are just areas we haven't unlocked yet?
If you haven't read the theory that the universe is a simulation, I highly recommend it. Not just because it's recently getting more scientific support, but it's also an interesting thought experiment.
.
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*Edit: Someone asked for the theory in the comments. Here it is: http://ift.tt/1HkudPM
There is also a really good Vice article with the NASA scientist that pelted this into the mainstream. http://ift.tt/QzvDIV
The crux of the argument for me is actually statistical:
Do you believe that a civilization could one day be advanced enough to simulate a universe in a computer? Well, if it can simulate one universe, then it can simulate infinite universes. Therefore, we are infinitely more likely to be in a simulation than in the original universe.
I wonder, throughout history, which team has won more games: shirts or skins.
When playing eachother, of course. What's the series at??
Thursday, July 9, 2015
According to the paralell universe theory, there is a world where I am Emma Watson's wallpaper.
That gave me confidence today.
Edit: Cant spell parallel. Confidence is gone.
On the bright side, tanning beds are slowly killing the right people.
Men use tanning beds too. No one likes people who use tanning beds.
Procrastination is basically you ignoring yourself.
Of all people to ignore, don't do that to yourself. Have some self-respect.
Wednesday, July 8, 2015
Most kids today will only recognize the Flintstones as cereal mascots
They really are becoming a "page right out if history"
If you filled a Humidifier with Holy Water, you could have a portable exorcism machine.
Disclaimer: Don't actually try purifying spirits this way.
What if when you die, you're reincarnated as a moth. All the moths we see are souls in purgatory, and the reason moths are attracted to bright lights is because the souls are looking for "The Light."
Each moth travels light to light until it finds The Light, allowing the soul to move on. The better your life was, the closer to the actual Light you are when you reincarnate and so your time to closure is much less than those who led bad lives.
If sperm can be frozen indefinitely, women of the future could have the option of having a child with a man from hundreds of years in the past
Imagine if women today could say "Oh yeah, Daniel's father is from the 1800's"
O.O
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