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Monday, November 30, 2015
If a Redditor mentions they have a girlfriend, nobody believes it. If they mention having a wife, nobody questions it.
And yet, one usually progresses from the former to the latter.
No matter how big a number is it is always closer to zero than infinity.
And beyond
Edit: Wow sorry I don't have a major in math lol
As the nations get fatter, "unskilled" physical jobs will become the skilled jobs since less people can do them.
I always hated "unskilled" when discussing physical labor jobs. How many of you can install an HVAC system, re-sod a kids park, carry things weighing 100+ lbs all day, weld, are physically fit enough to carry garbage all day, chop down and carry away trees, how many of you can literally be on your feet 10 hours a day?
Everyone can type and enter data into a computer. Everyone can plug shit into excel. In the future "unskilled" jobs will be the skilled ones as more and more people are used to office work.
Sunday, November 29, 2015
My Mom used to yell at me for playing video games. Now, due to candy crush, words with friends, and other similar apps she plays more video games than I do.
And yet I still get told I'm rotting my mind out.
In 150 years Facebook will be the world's largest online memorial page.
And all the dead people will have posted condolences for all the other dead people.
All single men at a bar, gay or straight, kinda hope all good looking straight men are gay.
Edit: pardon the grammar, please.
There should be a system where you send companies proof that you purchased their product, and then you don't have to watch their commercials anymore.
Seriously, do you know how many things I would buy that I don't even want just so they would go away? If I have to hear that fucking Merci chocolate ad one more time I'm going to shoot myself.
Saturday, November 28, 2015
David vs. Goliath is basically the story of a dude who brought a gun to a knife fight and "miraculously" won.
Of curse the dude with the weapon is going to beat the guy using his bare hands.
Every single person on earth has a hidden talent they probably dont even know theyve got because their life hasnt led them down a path where theyve found out the could do it
Every single person on earth has a hidden talent they probably dont even know theyve got because their life hasnt led them down a path where theyve found out the could do it
Do the people who pose in those stock photos in frames just buy those frames and put them around their houses like "Here's the time I posed for a stock picture!"
Additionally, do the friends of these people find it weird that whenever they're looking for frames they see Jason and his old girlfriend from 2 years ago in every 4X6 frame?
Friday, November 27, 2015
If you're reading this, you are most likely richer than the majority of the world.
You have internet access and can afford a phone/PC
IMDB should have a spoiler-free mode where you can hide how many episodes an actor appeared in.
Also, you could hide the date they left the show, and any pictures in the gallery that are deemed spoilers.
Thursday, November 26, 2015
You can determine how ugly your baby is by how long someone goes "Aww".
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, he's so adorable."
"Aw, damn, that sucks."
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Based on genital structure men should really be the ones wearing skirts and women should be wearing pants.
Wow really didn't see this as that entertaining of an idea.
Superstores should build apps that shows a map of the store
and what items are down an isle so that customers dont need to keep asking workers where things are
Reddit without Americans for a day would be a really interesting social experiment
edit: I realise there is a small window of lesser activity, but I've found that the Americans that are still awake are generally more vocal and downvote more prolifically to make up for their comrades absence. I think if we had a day where discussions around topics such as geopolitics and foreign policy were not tarnished by American propaganda, we can actually have a chance at finding out what the truth is. I'm sorry if this comes across as rude, its not my intention, and I don't see it as a fault, I think anyone would be the same with such a government.
Anyway, some guy who messaged me summed it up well:
I felt like it would be stupid for me to agree with you and then write a comment on your post. I would love for this to happen on reddit. I would love to notice the difference of opinions from others without America chiming in. Our people are so zombified by propaganda that most of them have no idea how much of their lives are manipulated.
A prison cell is the worst time machine ever.
"Hey want to travel 44 years to the future?" "Yes!" "Alright sit in this tiny room for 44 years."
Shakespeare would likely have enjoyed rap
Edit: secondary thought, with a slight brush up on slang, lingo and curse words, Shakespeare could likely make rap many hip hop enthusiasts would enjoy as well
Ctrl + C + [1-9] should store multiple copies at once
My 20 year old calculator has 6 different copy stores. I have no idea why this doesn't exist on normal computers.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
If there are 7 billion people on Earth, that means that every second the collective human consciousness experiences 222 years.
7,000,000,000 / 60 / 60 / 24 / 365 is 221.969 years.
Monday, November 23, 2015
Bagels are merely a vehicle to get cream cheese into my mouth
Bagels are overrated. Cream cheese is Bæ
The only time I ever want to have a penny is to keep from getting more pennies
Seriously. I almost never use cash for this reason too.
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Movies are set in a world where the actors in them don't exist.
EDIT: Haha, ok, so I definitely should have thought of the case of actors playing themselves. (Whether realistically or as caricatures of their actual selves.)
I also just remembered Scrubs when JD was watching the Fugitive and saw the Janitor in it, so I wanted to throw that one out there too.
I always have, and always will, picture a deep space sci-fi planet when I see the name 'Nova Scotia'.
Sorry, it's just too awesome a name.
As a woman, when I say "my partner" people assume I mean my business partner. When my husband says "my partner" people assume he is gay.
This happened at a party recently. He was talking to a small group he didn't know and was telling a funny story that happened at lunch with his "partner". A short time later I joined the group and virtually everyone was confused. One guy even fessed up that he thought he meant "partner" partner, not partner.
"If it Wasn't for America, the French Would be Speaking German" but if it Wasn't for The French, America Wouldn't Even Exist.
The French allied with the colonies back in the 1700s to help them win the revolutionary war against Britain. There's no way a rag-tad group of colonies would've been able to stand up to the might of the world superpower known as the British Empire without the French on their side.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
I use Twitter to talk to people I wish I knew, Facebook to talk to people I wish I didn't know, and Reddit to talk to people I don't know
EDIT: Front page! Wow, never though I'd be here! Hi mom!
The biggest clickbait on Reddit is not the NSFW tag, it's "comment score below threshold"
[+] 247NoSleep comment score below threshold ^(126 children)
All the Digimons end with -mon because they are computer programs, and ".mon" is their extension for monster.
By the way, if you don't know, Digimon Tri (the new continuation of Digimon Adventures) released four episodes this week.
The first snow of the year is technically in January, and not in the fall.
he first snow of the year is technically in January, and not in the fall.
Friday, November 20, 2015
The first guy to discover milk probably did a lot of other weird shit.
Can't take credit for this as I saw it on the internet today but found it amusing.
When we animate dogs, we give them facial features that make it easier for us to understand their emotions. I wonder how a dog would animate a human so that they could understand us better.
I was thinking about how in a film like Lady and the Tramp, those do not look anything like dog faces. But they are way easier to relate to this way.
Do crabs think fishes can fly?
If a crab looks up, and sees fishes swimming around, does the crabs think that the fishes can fly? What would they think if they get out of the water?
There should be a holiday called Galaxy Day. Where NASA shuts everything down (no light pollution) and everyone goes outside to look at the stars.
EDIT: NASA is probably watching me type this right now.
If our ISP's cap data, ads should be considered theft.
If I'm paying for data up to x amount each month, every single thing that's using up my data limit should be within my control. Any ads that play or load without my express consent should be considered theft.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Why should I go to someone elses funeral when they won't ever go to mine?
Don't take this literally^
I'm sad as an atheist because I wish I believed in a universe where I get a comprehensive list of stats when I die.
It's something that comes to mind so frequently - as someone earlier posted - things like near death experiences. But it could be so interesting, you could look at times you've come within 100m of the person you married x years later, or maybe view maps of everyone you know and see if / when they ever ran into each other... The possibilities in my this imagined reality are limitless. </3
The penalty for not having money is being charged more money.
The reason the check bounced was because there was no money, so thanks for adding more money to the bill!
As a dad of three girls, I should make sure that they don't have "daddy issues" so I can still browse r/gonewild when they are older.
Guess this could be confession bear as well. "Super nice to my girls so they don't show their tits to a camera when they get older." "That way I get to keep looking at naked boobs on the Internet."
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Teenagers have only ever known what it's like being a child, but are expected act like adults while being treated like a child.
Wow! Front page! My under developed brain did something for once! Oh, I also messed up the title. My bad.
Edit: This thread has brought many opposing oponions on this subject, but this is good. Discussion is good. Many people have brought up points I have never really thought about.
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
If the 100 richest people in the world suddenly attracted incurable cancer, how fast would we find the cure?
Edit; I understand it should be contracted, not attracted. Didn't think of it when the idea popped into my head.
The next James Bond reboot should set the franchise back in the 1960's.
I'm tired of all the subplots revolving around spies being completely obsolete. Spy gadgets have been reduced to gimmicky nonsense now that there's an app for everything. Period piece bond is the way to go.
I wonder if tall people are grossed out by the tops of other people's refrigerators.
Once i notice how dirty it is up there, i have to clean it.
Monday, November 16, 2015
Instead of rebooting amazing films, we should reboot shitty ones that showed potential.
Seems obvious really. Imagine a decent Johnny Nmemonic film.
It's actually pretty likely that I'll be in physical vicinity of one of you in real life but neither of us will have any idea that we had this brief connection on the internet.
Nah... who am I kidding? None of you ever go outside...
Smoking cigarettes is a great way to commit suicide if you're a procrastinator.
"...eh looks like I'm not dying today. Maybe tomorrow."
Sunday, November 15, 2015
75 is 25% shorter than 100, unless it is a time you type into the microwave, in which case it is 25% longer
Had to fix the math, so I took down the previous post.
Saturday, November 14, 2015
No drug dealer I have ever encountered has offered me a "First One's Free to get you hooked" deal, like my school and parents told me would happen as a kid. Kind of disappointed.
EDIT: ITT: people who have got free drugs. I come from the UK and I wouldn't get harder drugs so that's probably why ...
Friday, November 13, 2015
There are no female minions because they reproduce asexually. The 2-eyed minions are in the process of mitosis.
How else does their species survive?
Thursday, November 12, 2015
Being God would be like playing the most infuriating game of The Sims ever.
GOD: Here you have the knowledge to split atoms to get energy.
HUMANITY: Builds bomb, kills people.
GOD: Me-dammit!
As a soldier, when I see cops with military rank insignias on their shoulders, I roll my eyes the same way they probably do when they see security guards with police-like badges
I'm sorry for speeding Staff Sergeant, it won't happen again.
EDIT: I never said I don't respect the cops I just think it's silly they use the same rank symbols we do and then alter the titles/order etc.
I have nothing against cops and I don't think I'm better than them i just think it's lame to both copy the military rank structure and then change the names of them.
If I had known how much I would like reddit I would have put more effort into my user name
EDIT: Wow, this blew up! I am secretly happy many of you are in the same boat and I am also extremely jealous of many of you.
My username is just my nickname and favourite number that I thoughtlessly used to see what Reddit was all about. Now I have username envy and regret everything.
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
I haven't seen anyone complaining about the Starbucks cup. I've only seen people complaining about people complaining about the Starbucks cup.
EDIT: And no, I'm not complaining, just shower thinking
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Monday, November 9, 2015
When Fallout 4 is out, people everywhere will spend a long time inside, playing a game about emerging from being inside for a long time
Just something a friend and I were thinking of.
Drug dealers should dress up as Pizza Guys
Nobody would ever suspect a drug deal is going down, all he'd have to do is deliver a pizza box full of drugs. Even in public people would think it's legit.
It must have been awkward to be the first gay guy on earth. Not because of any stigma, but because he'd have had to talk another guy into trying it. "Hey...so, you know that thing we do with our dicks to put babies in women? Well, I was thinking...and this is gonna sound weird, but stay with me..."
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Nothing makes you feel more emotions in less time than getting your finger stuck in a small hole and being unable to pull it out
Mild curiosity: "I wonder if my finger fits here."
Mild satisfaction: "Yup."
Mild anxiety: "I hope i can pull it out now."
Anxiety: "Fuck. It's stuck!"
Desperation: "I'm gonna have to cut it off!"
Self loathing: "Why did I even do this? I'm such an idiot!"
Relief: "Oh, it came out."
Edit: Yes, I realize the sexual connotations. No, it was not on purpose.
If you don't reproduce, you are breaking a 4 billion year old family tradition.
There is an unbroken chain of mothers and fathers from you to the first organism on earth roughly 4 billion years ago!
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Willy Wonka sent out his chocolate bars worldwide, and 5 white kids (4 with first-world problems) still won.
I was thinking about this the other day. Everyone's white in the newer movie, as well. Don't get me wrong, I love the original... But the opening of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (with Depp not Wilder) shows the boxes shipping out to Tokyo, Cairo, etc.
Marriage is one of the few things where we consider someone an expert if they've only successfully done it once.
It's 4:30 AM and I can't think of any other things, but this is Reddit so I'm sure someone will come along and offer up other examples.
Those who are applying to optometry school for the upcoming year will be the Class of "2020"
Those lucky ducks. 20/20 is the perfect year to graduate for an eye care professional.
Saturday, November 7, 2015
If I have 2 choices and 1 of them is taken away, I have 0 choices.
Edit: wow this went from 0 to 100 quickly! I'm still confused as to whether it makes any sense
Friday, November 6, 2015
If you beat someone to death, don't they technically beat you to death, since they get there faster?
...I do not condone beating anyone/anything to death, just for the record.
Saying there are no aliens is like scooping a tea cup into the ocean and saying [there are] no fish
Credit to u/wakeupcalldeadend
Edit: It makes me happy to see ideas of this nature popular among the greater Reddit community!
Have a safe Friday
Thursday, November 5, 2015
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