We need a rival planet.

Think about it—when we were in high school, no matter what social drama was going on (Sally and Brian breaking up, the stoners getting caught behind the gym, that fight between the emo kids and the goth kids at the end of 4th period), on Friday night at the football game, everyone from your school banded together and rooted against that shitty school from the next town over. Your school kicked ass, but that other school suuuuuuuucked. Fast forward to college—new environment, same routine, same social conditioning. “Screw that other school! They suck, their fans suck, anything and everything associated with that other school is pure garbage.” Ahh, but then came the Olympics, when suddenly towns didn't matter, states made no difference, all that we cared about was — “U.S.A. … U.S.A. … U.S.A.! Screw Canada! Screw Europe! Screw Brazil! Screw China! Jamaica…well Jamaica is cool, but screw everyone else! You too Australia.” So it looks like all that’s missing is another planet for us deranged humans to root against. We need an interplanetary Olympics. Suddenly our ridiculous Earth borders won’t matter anymore. No more petty arguments about our trivial and delusional perceived differences—Nationality? Race? Religion? College? Local high school? Who gives a shit?! It’s us against them. Team Earth, fuck yea!” We can all get decked out in our Earth jerseys and Earth merchandise (which will be a great boost to our planets economy), we can come up with some clever Earth chants, we can even make a bunch of “Xynafar Sucks” and “Xynafarians are Douchebags” memes. We can rag on how their solar system has less planets than ours, how their water is too salty, how their moon is so small, how old and fat their host star is…hell, we might even start taking pride in our planet and treating it with respect—or maybe I’m just a dreamer (…but I’m not the only one). Maybe we’ll begin to view ourselves as Earthlings again, as humans again. So lets all come together as one, hand in hand, peaceful and prideful, like the kickass humans that we are, wearing our “Earth Rules, Xynafar Drools” t-shirts, and give this global peace thing a try. You in?