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Thursday, June 30, 2016
Somehow we always assume that aliens would walk around naked.
Are our brains not yet ready for extraterrestrial fashion?
My kids don't beg for toys and I realized it's because they never get to see commercials
Another point for streaming content!
Jumanji taught us that the scariest thing in the African jungle is a white guy with a gun.
real talk tho, the game itself looked fun and for a year I believed the game was available at a special target or something.
Marriage is legally acknowledged 'dibs'
My friend said this to me and I found it too good not to share.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Fishing is the underwater equivalent to an alien abduction...
We can kill them, harvest them, or just run a few tests before putting them back. Giving them with an unbelievable story to tell to their friends.
Queen Elizabeth II has been alive since the height of the British Empire and has spent roughly 78% of her life watching it decline
That is, if you consider the end of WWII and the start of British decolonization as the empire's decline (1945).
people who say they "believe" in science are missing the whole point of science
I've seen this quite a lot online, maybe just bad wording? I don't know, I just find it funny.
Monday, June 27, 2016
I wonder how many more views 'Never Gonna Give You Up' would have if YouTube registered a view after only 1 second
YouTube requires around 30 seconds before it counts a video as being viewed
I would be happy to uninstall adblock if sites didn't use pop up ads which cover the page/article I'm trying to read
They're shooting themselves in the foot with basic bad practice.
I prefer random Redditors to facebook friends I know.
Mom: random rants of "I post what I want, if you don't like it go fuck yourself and unfriend me!" "stop talking behind my back!", "you rejected me on an online sex game! Die, bitch!" (Skitzophrenic rants from someone in an abusive relationship and shit)
Friend: "I'm vegan, if you don't like it, fuck yourself"
(I don't care)
Thanks reddit, for making a good meme comedy site. My phone is dying.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
You only know how old you are because other people have told you
I don't actually have any proof I was born on March 7th, that's just what I've been told.
What if the 'monster' under your bed sees you as the monster on top of the bed, and is so terrified he keeps as still and quiet as possible.
Would explain why we never actually see him, and he never actually attacks. He's shit scared, obviously.
I just realized that being the dungeon master for your group of friends sounds very different to someone who has never heard of D&D before
Thought while talking about starting a game with my friend
The internet uses many terms relating to water. I can surf the web, stream a video, or wait until my computer freezes
Any more terms you can think of?
Reddit has absolutely ruined my recommended videos category on YouTube.
Im not interested in any of that shit.
Saturday, June 25, 2016
The reason I like staying up so late so much is because between the hours of 1am to 5am, the world is quiet and no one expects anything from me. I could stare at my wall for 4 hours and there would be no consequences. It's so silent and calm. I love it.
Just being able to think and roam my mind is something that I find calm and relaxing
This subreddit is one of the few I can thoroughly enjoy without ever opening the posts.
Most people don't read this part.
This generation's kids will grow up thinking the guy on Newman's Own salad dressing is just another fictional mascot
He'll join the ranks of Uncle Ben, Betty Crocker and Aunt Jemima
People don't realize through their day how much implicit trust they have for welders.
People walk on a bridge and don't even think that if a welder had fucked up his job, it could fall without a warning.
On Reddit, your credibility is based upon the age of your account, not the age of your person
A 17 year old with a three year old account is considered a better source on things than a 35 year old with a three month old account.
If Thor's hammer was at the South Pole and Thor summoned it from the North Pole, would it go around the earth or through it?
And if it goes around in which direction?
Friday, June 24, 2016
A car key is just a chunk of your vehicle you carry in your pocket that renders your car nearly useless when not attached.
Like walking away with a piston or some wires that you put back on later, only more convenient for the driver to manage.
As a man, Medusa's threat level is inversely proportional to the size of her tits.
"Uh, my snakes are up here guys."
Thursday, June 23, 2016
I don't kill spiders because I think it's wrong, but I'm okay with my cat eating them because that's the circle of life
I put spiders in cups and throw them outside. But if a cat is around I'll show them the spider so they can eat it.
What do you find at the end of the tunnel? The beginning of the tunnel.
I try this again, made up the thought myself.
Shadowbanned users are like ghosts of redditors, they try to communicate with us but can't, we feel their presence and most of the times they don't even know they are shadowbanned.
And yes I forgot to add, they then reincarnate by taking new username.
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Tuesday, June 21, 2016
Current kids are one of the last generations that will make engine sounds while pushing their toy cars around.
Still wondering what will come afterwards. The turbine sound of a Tesla is somewhat hard to imitate without whistling...
The song "Summer of '69" will have a major resurgence in 53 years
I wonder if it'll still be under copyright
If people had to pass a drivers test every five years the world would be a better place.
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Remove really dangerous drivers.
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Improve the community's collective driving skill.
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Stay up to date with rules and laws.
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Set a good example for younger drivers.
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Less traffic.
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Less pollution.
Edit: Interesting discussion. Just add a bit more information, it wouldn't be a one-strike system. 1st fail = retest. 2nd fail = driver training. 3rd fail = retest in 6 months, with mandatory course to retain licence.
As far as the poor grannies that need to be driven around, if you aren't fit to drive you aren't fit to drive. As far as the cost, I think the testing should be subsidised to be made cheaper.
If I become president of the universe it is coming in.
Monday, June 20, 2016
Cemeteries would be way more interesting if they put the cause of death on the headstone
I wander around Graveyards and they really are not interesting. I think it would be much better if they said; 'John Smith, died in a bizarre gardening accident.'
My lips don't touch when I say, "touch" but they do when I say, "separate"
Also, when you pronounce, "crisp" it starts at the back of your mouth and makes its way to the front.
Sunday, June 19, 2016
They should ban songs on the radio with sirens in them for drivers.
I'm pretty sure every time I hear one I try to pull over immediately.
Even after midnight, I don't usually consider it to be the next day until I fall asleep and wake up again.
Exceptions might be New Year's Day, but only because we're intentionally waiting for the next day to come.
Saturday, June 18, 2016
Verizon sends more letters begging me to come back to them than my ex-girlfriend ever did.
They even promised to be cheaper and last longer than she did, but I still have to refuse their throttling asses.
I came up with this in the shower...yay
If we ever end up settling on a planet with low gravity, boobs will stay perkier much longer
One of the upsides of leaving your home.
Friday, June 17, 2016
Google Street View Should Have A "Time Travel" Feature So That Future Generations Can See What Places Looked Like In The Past.
Surely they archive those old/outdated years past images, right?
EDIT: Well now that I'm not in the shower, and able to use "the Google" it would appear that this already exists in some capacity, but only with still images of more notable locations. I think they should keep it all so a person can stroll down memory lane where they grew up.
They should make a rule where streaming services can not have sequels without having the movie(s) before them.
Primary target here is HBO GO, but I'm sure they aren't the only ones.
An NBA player being fined $25,000 is the equivalent of me being fined $4.60 based on my own net worth.
Stephen Curry was just fined $25,000. His net worth is $27MM.
My net worth is approximately $5,000, so it would be like me being fined $4.60 for throwing a mouthpiece at a fan during a basketball game.
EDIT: Someone below thought it would be better to do the comparison with annual salaries, rather than net worth. Fair enough:
Stephen Curry's annual salary is $11MM.
My annual salary is $90k. So a $25,000 fine to curry is like a $205 fine to me. Definitely hurts more but is still not astronomical.
Sleep is like a 33% tax on life.
It's 33% of your life that you don't get to experience.
If you live to be 90 years old, you only really experience 60 of those years because you spend the other 30 years sleeping.
Thursday, June 16, 2016
The Bible holds the record for being the object of the longest running book club where community members meet to share their views on single book.
Thought of this today while thinking about joining a book club on campus at uni.
Maybe ghosts have sheets over them because they're people who died thinking hiding under their sheets would save them
You know how it is, people think if you hide under your bed sheets then the monsters can't get you.
What if we could't masturbate for the same reason why we can't tickle ourselves?
I don't really now if this has already been thought, so I'm sorry if that's the case.
Wouldn't cigarette companies benefit from finding a cure for cancer?
You would think finding a cure for cancer would be every cigarette companies number one priority. it seems like it would be the ultimate marketing strategy. It would literally be a win-win.
"Hey, buying our cigarette support finding a cure for cancer." and after finding a cure, "Hey we found a cure for cancer so there is no reason to quit now"
PSA: I am in no way saying people should or shouldn't smoke.
Wednesday, June 15, 2016
Memes are born on sites like Imgur, Reddit, and 4chan, are raised on Twitter, and die on Facebook.
Literally in a post shower towel posting this...
I'm not sure what's worse, that I thought a penny on the railroad tracks might crash the train, or that I was willing to put one there to find out.
Also believed it would split the penny perfectly in half. Dammit older sibling....
If Microsoft keeps counting with their editions of Windows, they will eventually end back up at 95.
It will take a long time but they will get there.
Many of the people who say they would survive in a horror movie would NOT survive. Think of all the times you've heard creaks while home alone and kept browsing the internet like it was nothing.
You would be dead if it were a horror movie and you didn't react to a creepy noise.
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
What if time just passes 7 times as fast for dogs? And that's why they're always so excited when you get home, because to them you've been gone 7 times longer.
Edit: My bad on the poor wording. I meant to say that we would perceive dogs 7x faster than they perceive themselves, and they perceive us 7x slower than we perceive ourselves.
Monday, June 13, 2016
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Perception of the Bible or Koran is a mirror of one's own mind. It will tell a good person to do good, an insane person to kill and an ignorant person to discriminate.
I guess you can apply this to any religious book and teaching.
When marijuana is legal people will say 4/20 is just another commercialized holiday.
Don't support commercialized holidays!
once a month the US should have 10 minutes of total darkness so that everyone could see the night sky in full glory.
I think modern society has lost a lot by losing their ability to see the night sky. Its a constant reminder how small we are. It always kept me humble.
I think it'd fuel more support for space exploration.
Saturday, June 11, 2016
When I was a small child, my grandmother showed me love by playing along with my make believe games. Now that she is older and has dementia it is my turn to show love by playing along with hers.
I'm hang in out with grandma today to give my aunt (her full time caretaker) a break. I do this every other Saturday. Dealing with dementia can be very difficult and one of the things I learned while researching how to go about this is that you should do your best to play along. When you confront someone with dementia and tell them they are imagining something or are confused it just upsets them.
The best thing about being German is being able to play your nation in so many war-related games
I was just thinking about the upcoming video games Battlefield 1 and Battalion 1944 and this came up in my mind :D
Of course we're almost always the bad guys, but it's still cool AF.
Friday, June 10, 2016
Reddit is the only place someone would ask the people curating their porn collection for financial advice.
Literally a shower thought... Hair still wet.
HBO should buy the rights to Harry Potter and make a series where every season is based around one book.
I think HBO could take Harry Potter and make it look awesome. Seeing a different, darker take on the story would be great.
If you actually read Greek Mythology, Hades does good deeds while Zeus causes drama by not being able to keep it in his pants.
For example, Hades gives Orpheus a chance to bring Eurydice back to life while Zeus always cheats on his wife on mortal human beings.
My car keys have traveled more than my car
Cant drive car without keys, take my keys without my car all the time
Thursday, June 9, 2016
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