Friday, September 30, 2016
I would rather watch a blank screen for the duration of an ad than watch the ad itself.
Looking at you Hulu.
Movie characters kill hundreds of henchmen but think they are too good to kill the main bad guy.
This has always annoyed me in media. The "good guy" will murder hundreds of guards and thugs but then when it comes to the main "bad guy" suddenly it is immoral to kill him. Logically if you're going to mow down countless people (probably just trying to feed their families) you might as well take out the villain. Otherwise, you're saying the super evil guy's life is more valuable than his employees.
The fact that we have a universally recognized hand sign for "fuck you" and not one for "I'm sorry" should really tell us something.
When I cut someone off in traffic, I'd like to be able to do something more concrete than scrunch up my neck and flap my hand around apologetically
I'd rather overhear a compliment than get one face-to-face.
Thursday, September 29, 2016
In 12 years or so... If reddit is still a thing, the kid that fell into Harambe's enclosure might do an AMA
And it will be either hated or praised for the meme of 2016
I never appreciate how painless it is to swallow until I have strep.
I always took it for granted D:
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
When I was in elementary school and going through the DARE program, I was positive a gang of older kids was going to corner me and force me to smoke pot. Then I became an adult and realized nobody is giving free drugs to somebody that doesn't want them.
Toilet paper should be free and have advertising printed on it.
Harry Potter is the ultimate example of someone that 'peaked in high school.'
What do you do in life after you defeat the worst evil of all time senior year?
Every now and then I suddenly realize that other people's lives are just as complex as my own, and that they have no clue what happens in my head, just as I have no idea what happens in theirs. It's like looking at the stars and suddenly feeling very small.
Spotify should add a feature that keeps track of skips vs. plays to me know what songs I should delete from my music or playlists.
Often times I'll find myself skipping a song for several months in a row before finally deleting it. I get into the habit of skipping it that I don't even think about it any more and am too lazy to delete it. I think it'd be useful to have a skips vs. plays tracker, so I know what songs I should delete. If I haven't listened to a song in 3 months, but have skipped it 37 times, why the hell is it still in my library? It's wasting space, auto-delete it for me–probably won't even notice.
This also applies to iTunes or other music libraries; Spotify is just what I use most.
Imagine if "ping pong" was "pong ping"
If a website stored my incorrect password attempts, they could get passwords to most of my accounts.
I can't always remember which password is associated to which login, so when it's incorrect, I just try a different password.
I posts on reddit because my real life friends don't reply as quickly as you guys
I understand not everybody check their phone every 5 minutes, but if it takes more than an hour to reply, then what is the fucking point of owning mobile devices?
And you fuckers are more witty and thoughtful. There I said it.
This Halloween they should make Google's homepage "Ghoulgle"
Subways are like the world's shittiest roller coasters.
No one ever looks like they're having fun on them.
Nintendo should release their old school classics for mobile phones.
Obviously there are emulators, but most of the population doesn't know how to use them. They would make a killing and I could play Zelda at work.
Google Maps should announce speed limits when navigating.
Ever been on a road (normally one you haven't been on before) and can't seem to find a speed limit sign? Edit: E
If you dye your hair red, then you are trans-gingered.
the people born the day before or after the cutoff point to start kindergarten were close to having a completely different life
they would have started going to school a year earlier or later.
I'm getting really excited for the final season of America!
Tuesday, September 27, 2016
Blue and yellow make green. Sun and water make plants.
Battlefield 1 should honor the Christmas Truce of World War I by disabling all weapons on Christmas day.
Or EA can just get DDoS'd again
Every time I hear the 20th Century Fox fanfare, I'm slightly diappointed if I'm not about to watch Star Wars.
Edit: Disappointed in my spelling as well.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Instead of debates, we should give candidates three impromptu essay questions they have to answer in three hours in 1,000 words or less, and they have to write it, immediately and live on web cam, with no help from their interns.
Normally in Scooby-Doo Shaggy runs side-by-side with Scooby, Great Danes run at 48 kph. Technically, Shaggy is the fastest man alive.
Well shit, Usian Bolt got fucked by shaggy and his dog.
Little kids think adults have the most freedom but adults think little kids have the most freedom
by freedom I mean the rules you have to follow
Historically, when a new land is discovered and colonized, people eventually revolt and win their independence from their country of origin. When we go to Mars, it is inevitable that people born there will feel no love for Earth and will start a revolution to claim the planet as their own.
I am no expert but I always think that if ever colonize Mars, the generations will eventually not recognize any authority from Earth and will demand their independence and eventually Martian-humans will consider Earth-humans a different class of humans.
Think Spain and Mexico, England and the U.S., etc.
Youtube should add a "Was worth it" button/text to long videos.
Well.Time saving
A roast of Kanye West would be amazing to watch
Why is it we have compassion for animals which allows us to say "they are technically capable of survival, but would have a terrible quality of life, it is best to ease them into an end lovingly" yet when a human is in a similar situation and is BEGGING for death it's "wrong"
When you take a cigarette out of a pack, the pack becomes a cigarette lighter !
Would be an awesome trick for a comedy magician to perform.
Losing a hand gives you a lifetime immunity to handcuffs.
Since the simpsons first aired I've gone from Barts age to Homers age
As above, hair and weightwise also
When celebrities do AMAs, they usually use a throwaway account. Instead of giving them gold for answers you like, consider gilding the user who asked the question.
The question askers are the unsung heroes of /r/ama, and they're more likely to actually benefit from Reddit Gold.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
I'm more aware of swearing in a TV show when it's bleeped out.
Jesus' statement that man cannot live on bread alone is solid nutritional advice
Bread only contains carbohydrates; you also need protein and fat!
To the guy that invented zero, thanks for nothing
I only write etc. because i dont know more examples.
If ghosts are real, i'd mostly be embarassed about how much I've masturbated in front of them
Embarrassment over fear for sure
Every hotel refrigerator should at least fit a pizza box.
I mean C'mon!
Saturday, September 24, 2016
When youtubers die their children will have hours upon hours of voice/video recording to remember them by.
Its insane to think that someone could watching their parent's videos after the parent's death and hear them tell stories they have never heard before.
Friday, September 23, 2016
When I was a kid, I imagined a TV channel that only reported positive news of the world. I'm now 32, and want that more than ever.
There's so much crap going on, it's often times hard to remember that the majority of people in the world, are nice decent ones. That for every horrible thing that happens, many more great things happen that we take for granted. The way news works these days, is to report shocking and hate-inducing news the most - proven to be shared and engaged with the most. And that's how they make money.
For me, NSFW links just make me hold my phone a different way.
We underappreciate the moment when nothing aches in our body.
Like a toothache or a migraine.
I really wish my male pattern baldness would start with my armpits and shoulders.
My family genetics really got its priorities backward on that one.
I feel like the unfunny guy who doesn't realize it when I post comments I think are pure gold that stay at +1.
Edit: This is now my top voted post.
Uber should have a "no small talk" option when requesting a car
Netflix needs a "This item will be removed in X days" so I can binge watch shows in the right order.
I'm using the UK Netflix on a SmartTV; I want to know how long Dexter is going to stick around so I can decide if it's worth me starting or not.
I can Google it but I want something actually on Netflix to give me a timeline. Not suddenly tell me "Oh yeah, you've got a week to watch 6+ seasons of whatever".
Thursday, September 22, 2016
Think how fortunate you are that your ancestors survived disease, war and feral beasts just so you could scroll on Reddit
Gets pretty deep when you imagine further back than a family tree can go....
No matter how I feel, the sound and smell of a crackling fire calms my soul.
Edit: There are many comments about unplanned or out of control fires. Some are obviously snarky or funny, which is fine, but for anyone who is serious I did mean a fire that is in a pit or a fireplace. Obviously, a house fire would not be calming.
...and yes, I'm riding the coat tails of the guy who had the post about rain that hit the front page earlier today.
The last human won't get a funeral
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Conversely, current me really hates past me for leaving all this shit to get done.
Edit: I meant to post this weeks ago.
T.V. remotes need a "half volume" button for when the dialogue of a movie is too quiet but the music is too loud.
Then when the dialogue comes back from the music you press it again and it goes back to the normal volume you had it at.
I wonder if I've ever had an original thought?
People in the future will retire to play video games instead of golf.
I'm sure some people do this already!
Every day is 'Bring your kid to work day' if you're pregnant.
Bumper cars is a terrible way to introduce driving to kids
I'd hate Spotify ads a lot less if they just played the damn ad instead of also playing 30 seconds of acoustic guitar before the ads and then playing a little more acoustic guitar after the ad to let me know that the ad is finished.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
If I was a pear farmer, my slogan would be "Grow a Pear".
It's easier to understand someone who's waaaay smarter than you than someone who is just trying to sound smart
I love listening to people rant on a subject they know and I don't. But when people know a few phrases that make them feel like they're passing for a smart person, even though there's almost no meaning behind what they're saying and you have to try and translate it down from the nonsense. It's just decorated poop spilling out of their mouth.
Samsung were lucky a Note7 didn't explode while in a VR Headset
There are animals in the world that have never seen a human.
You can't actually bite down. You can only bite up.
the world's most famous carpenter died nailed to a board
I wonder if any of my ancestors owned one of my dog's ancestors
Mona Lisa was the first Kardashian, famous for nothing.
Google has been doing the largest AMA in history.
All cellphone cameras, laptop cameras, and other webcams should come with a sliding door that has to be physically opened and closed by the user.
For cellphones, this may make more sense as a cellphone case feature.
Drinking water from a coffee mug is incredibly dissatisfying.
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Bills travel at twice the speed of checks in mail.
Whoever put the “b” in “subtle” was a really clever person.
"In case of contact with eyes" warning labels will probably be hardest to read when I most need them
Of course I always read and memorize every warning label ahead of time... probably...
My being afraid of failure has turned me into a failure.
"nonsmokers smell better" is true in two different ways.
Birth Certificates are just receipts for human beings.
I don't hate Monday, I just hate my job.
Actual thought this morning... 💤
I wish I could hear my native language through the ears of a nonspeaker
Then I could compare my language more properly to others that I hear and don't understand.
Instead of asking for "Gender" or "Sex" on forms and such, why not just change the category to a chromosomal option, e.g. "XX"/"XY", so we can all be done with this already?
Title says it all
Edit: Thanks for some of the links and info people! Only been an hour and I already have some interesting things to read up on! 👍
If my data is used to stream an advertisement I should get paid for it.
Data don't grow on trees.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Plastic grocery bags are the tumbleweeds of the city
I wish there was a "Please turn off your ad blocker" blocker.
People who browse the new section basically form reddit.
A sperm bank is just a daycare for unborn children
First we put watches in phones so that we don't need to look at our watch, now we put our phones in watches so that we don't need to look at our phones.
Whats next? The smart pocketwatch?
I've never had to change the lightbulb in a microwave.
They always seem to die and get replaced before getting to that point.
Sunday, September 18, 2016
If 50 cent kept up with inflation he would now be 74 cent
When I hear unidentified sounds during the day I always disregard them but when I hear them at night I am 100% convinced that it's a demon screaming from a bottomless pit or a witch consuming the souls of the living. Most of the times its only a cat being weird.
In a way, after Darth Vader cut off Luke's hand, he followed it up with "I fucked your mom."
That typo in the first post would have driven me insane. Fixed.
"Where are you" is probably the least used phrase in sign language.
EDIT: Wow, more than 130 upvotes, thank you everyone! (BTW this is my first post to ShowerThoughts).
When flying vehicles become feasible, there's no way the public should get access. Instead, it should be for trained emergency services (Ambulances, fire trucks, police) to ensure the fastest/most efficient possible response time. We already crash too much, no need to add flying.
EDIT: I should clarify: I'm talking about decades from now, when tech had evolved to the point where is if perfectly doable an feasible for flying cars to be just as common as regular cars are today. Not helicopters, they are expensive and rare (when compared to cars). What's the police car/helicopter ratio for an average station? I'm talking about when we've reached the point where you won't need helicopters at all, because the the cars will be flying anyway.
There should be a section on everyone's profile that shows how much karma they've given
then we know whose generous vs greedy
Saturday, September 17, 2016
I hope my dog never realizes that I'm full of bones
YouTube should have an audio-only mode for listening to music on data-capped connections.
I just turn the video resolution as low as possible, but I would think that most of the data transfer still goes to the video rather than the audio.
One day, my grandkids will think I'm weird for watching so many superhero movies in the same way I think my grandpa is weird for watching so many westerns.
EDIT: Since a lot of people are asking, let me clarify: It's not exactly that I think he's weird, I just sort of find it to be a very "old person" thing to do, which I can't fully understand because I'm not his age. And in the same vein, one day, kids will think the same of watching superhero movies. Don't know if that changes things, but I guess this is just an odd thought to articulate.
You can't tell anything about a person from their star sign, but you can tell a lot about someone who believes in them
*edit - just to make sure people don't think this is a dig at them.
I've noticed among friends and colleagues that those who believe star signs, horoscopes tend to be more open, positive, less cynical, (dare I say a gender split as well) and it tends to be an indicator of other beliefs, even taste of music, literature etc.
Bubbles underwater are the opposite of rain.
Loner. Live alone. No family or real friends.. If I die while out and about, my dogs will probably starve at home.
Sorry for being so morbid, but this crossed my mind in the shower today (literally) and has me really freaking out. I suffer from pretty severe anxiety as well as a litany of other health problems. I live alone, semi isolated area, have no friends (just acquaintances i speak to every few months) or family.. My dogs are my best friends and just the thought of this happening is killing me. Just another thing to aggravate my anxiety. I can’t be the first person to think of this, just can’t believe its taken me this long before it crossed my mind.
Scientists are adult kids stuck in the "why phase".
If I could convince the spiders around my house to spin their webs about two feet higher, the spiders and I would all be much happier.
I would stop walking through them at eye level, and they wouldn't have to keep rebuilding.
Friday, September 16, 2016
I don't watch porn for the plot, but I do notice plot holes
Edit: I knew I should have said "inconsistencies"
Videos of people driving and snapchatting should be enough evidence to suspend or revoke licenses.
How is it not frowned upon to upload videos of yourself distracted with a smartphone while driving? Worse yet, when people clearly have their phone in-hand instead of using a car mount.
Why isn't there a peanut butter jar with a lid on each end?
South Park Has a Better Grasp of Current Events than the News Does.
99% of the conversations I practice in my head never happen.
As a man, I want to compliment random people, but there's almost no way to do that without it being weird or as if I'm hitting on the person.
I just want to say positive things out loud sometimes, but I never do because it'll probably just create an awkward situation.
Duets are the sex scenes of Disney movies.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Your anus can release material all three states of matter. Solid, liquid, gas.
edit: besides plasma
As someone without a cell phone - my biggest fear is that I'm going to be in a bank when it is being robbed and have the gunman ask for my phone as I explain that I don't have one. He won't believe me and then I'll be the example that gets shot.
Those "please disable adblock" messages are just ads for ads.
Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Hands down the stupidest thing I have ever seen on reddit has to be these people saying the terms female/male is dehumanizing
How exactly is calling someone a male or female offensive.
Can we start calling Walruses: Saber Tooth Seals?
As a redhead, no matter where I go in the world I'll always be a minority.
Ginger Lives Matter
Tuesday, September 13, 2016
What if Earth is like one of those uncontacted tribes in South America, like the whole Galaxy knows we're here but they've agreed not to contact us until we figure it out for ourselves.
Like say ufo's are real but it's just like when those tribes see planes flying by, they freak out and run around telling the whole tribe, they probably have wild stories about what they are and where they come from too.
Extraterrestrials see us like we see those tribes.
Why is suicide selfish, but expecting someone to go on with their unwanted life so nobody has to deal with the "loss" isn't?
All credit goes to this post in r/depression To me, it felt like it needed to be shared as a shower thought.
There should be a word for getting nostalgic about a video game, installing it, playing it for 10 minutes and getting bored because you've already finished it a hundred times and then deleting in.
Similar to the japanese slang term tsundoku for buying lots of books but not reading them, there should be a word for the above because it's a recurring cycle for me every other week. I currently refer to it as the Mass Effect 1 syndrome.
We eat out of bowls using smaller bowls.
I miss the days when everyone's website had hit counters.
Everything I've ever heard about homeless people told me they're all junkies and users, until I became homeless and realized way more people just have bad luck. Stereotypes have caused me to be physically attacked. We give too much power to assumptions.
A 49 year old women who had the condition dwarfism was killed recently, in the South of England, when her specially adapted parachute failed to open. She landed on a parked car in a cul-de-sac. It's very tragic but can you imagine the insurance claim from the car owner? Would they be believed?
Why do I need to click an extra button on my phone's keyboard to get to the apostrophe when it is used primarily to shorten the amount of time used to write a word?
Think about it.
Mm hmm.
The first meal in many people's new homes is Pizza & Beer
Monday, September 12, 2016
I wonder if I am still "it" from a game of tag?
I can't submit anything on reddit because most subreddits want a minimum amount of karma. I can't get any karma because I'm not allowed to submit anything. This feels just like applying for jobs that demand work experience after studying ...
The "unfollow" option on Facebook was the best thing to happen to that site.
I don't like to see my extended families' grandma style memes.
Google should make a new filter: No Pintrest results.
Universities should be free upfront and take 10% of your earnings for the first 10 years of your career. So they would be motivated to teach you useful stuff.
Maybe 15 years for BAs
Sunday, September 11, 2016
We waste a lot of water thinking
If I had the power to go back in time once, I'd probably save that power like my rare potions in video games and eventually finish the game without using it.
For clarification, you can only go back in time, say, 20 minutes. I'd skip all the embarrassing things that have happened to me thinking there is something more important, only to realise when i'm 70 that I really fucked up when I was "X" years old and should have redid that moment.
If I can re-watch my life as a movie, it will probably be incredibly cringeworthy and frustrating.
Just imagine watching yourself doing the following things:
- the first time you kissed/had sex
- wasting hours doing nothing or something completely useless
- your first job interview
- asking your parents for their hard-earn money to buy useless shit
Juice sounds good, but juices sounds nasty.
Even juicy sounds good.