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Monday, October 31, 2016
Sunday, October 30, 2016
Obi-Wan hid Luke on Tatooine because he knew how much his father hated sand.
"Where's the last place Anakin would ever go? Of course..."
If we don't accept refugees because 2 out of 100 M&M's are poisoned then why is it OK the have "a few bad apples" in a police department?
Edit: To clarify, I'm not anti police but we are seeing riding cases of officers not being cited for misconduct, racial profiling, and even harassment of fellow officers. This leads to good apples not sticking around in the barrel. We have incredibly militarized police forces with little to no oversight; and what oversight we have is almost completely ineffective as a bad officer can just cross state lines and start over. Also, unless you want to start crapping out 12 kids for a family we actually do need immigration to maintain a populace to support a large economy.
Edit 2: I in no way implicated that we should disband all police departments, so if all you authoritarians could go ahead and stop with the straw man arguments that'd be great. This post was a commentary on how harshly we generalize literally any other demographic except for cops. When one demographic has "a few bad apples" then we immediately make new laws or allow prejudices to form. Whereas we have almost 40 years of documented police overreach and misconduct but we're still on the "it's just a few bad apples" train.
Saturday, October 29, 2016
In addition to best seller lists, Amazon should also have "most returned" lists
or at least deduct returns from "best sellers" because there are a lot of items under "best sellers" that have nothing but complaints and returns
Friday, October 28, 2016
We really gave Bruce Almighty a pass when he yanked the moon closer to the earth and inadvertently killed of millions of people with tidal floods.
How is that movie even a comedy after that part?
EDIT: what would the effects really be if the moon went from ~240,000 miles away to like 50,000 miles away in less than 5 seconds?
The flowers in my vase are just plants on life support.
And I'm the one who keeps them alive for just a bit longer.
So much public money goes into sports stadiums we need separation of sport and state
Its honestly quite ridiculous how the government will subsidize sports stadiums for major sports leagues and the owners will threaten to leave when the local governments protest. As a sports fan it seems one-sided because it only benefits sports fans and the funds could be used for other good things.
Books should be numbered downward instead of upwards, so you would know how many pages were left.
That way, you would't have to be exposed to spoilers when checking the length of the book.
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Major disappointment for a teen: not being invited to a party. Major disappointment for an adult: being invited to a party.
"But this bed is so cozy. And there's Luke Cage to watch. And Westworld..."
Whenever I see the "Excuse my English" warnings on Reddit post, a part of my brain goes "oh great here comes the gibberish mixed with pig latin written in acronyms", but by the end of it, I think, hmm, I didn't notice anything wrong there, crap, maybe my English should be excused as well.
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Wednesday, October 26, 2016
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
The biggest joke of SpongeBob is that he works at a fast-food place and can afford a house.
"Not my thought but so true."
Every material is bulletproof if you have enough of it.
I was thinking your laptop could be bulletproof if you had enough layers of stickers.
We're lucky that sound can't travel through the vacuum of space. If it could, the universe would be incredibly loud.
I have no idea if this holds any scientific merit. It just seems to me that if we could hear the sun it would be super fucking loud.
Monday, October 24, 2016
The entire point of a bayonet is to bring a knife to a gunfight
Just think about it
Edit: If it makes you people feel better, you can also read it as: "The entire point of having a bayonet is to be able to bring a knife to a gunfight"
Edit 2: So this got more attention than my shitty low capacity mind thought it would
A telephone makes sound travel faster than the speed of sound
edit: Stop inboxing me, I know phones don't send actual sound waves '_'
if you put a werewolf on the moon, would it be a wolf all the time?
Edit: werewolf wouldn't be dead cuz its wearing an astronaut helmet
Sunday, October 23, 2016
I'm only funny to my girlfriend because she doesn't use Reddit.
I'd be alone without this website.
this thread took a dark turn. Go back.
Pixar should make a short about a cactus who doesn't feel loved because no one can hug him
why hasn't this happened yet? Or has it?
Saturday, October 22, 2016
I just realized that "This Little Piggy Went To Market", did NOT go there to buy something.
Childhood ruined.
But I still love bacon.
Whenever I see, "Do Not Use Knife" on a box, what I read is, "Use Knife Carefully".
And I wonder how people who take it literally get through all that packing tape...
The word 'dust' is both a noun and a verb but the verb is how you get rid of the noun.
And yes I thought of this in the shower
Friday, October 21, 2016
I really want marijuana to be legal, but only because I'm tired of grading terrible student papers about how marijuana should be legalized
All of the essays read exactly like the student was high while writing it, too.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
It should be a law that kids have to join the workforce full-time for a few years before they start high school. If I could have grasped how much working sucks by the time I was 14 or 15 years old, I would have had a much greater appreciation for the freedom of high school and college.
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Wednesday, October 19, 2016
If yawns are contaigous, it is possible my yawn has circled the world in a cycle of being passed on until it reaches me again.
If I yawned at someone, who yawned at someone, who yawned at someone and so on. It could possibly have circled the world until someone yawns it back at me. Completing the cycle.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Its amazing to remember that when I see a morbidly obese person, that they have a normal sized skeleton inside of them.
It rather impressive, honestly.
Netflix needs an incognito mode so I can watch stupid things and not have similar stuff recommended to me
and I want the unadulterated list of what's popular right now.
Profanity has become so common in my vocabulary that I now express my outrage by refraining from using it
Why in the world would you do something so foolish you knucklehead!?
I wish Amber Alerts would send a follow-up message when/if the child is found.
Amber Alerts make my day kind of shitty b/c I can't help but to feel awful for the child.
If you lie on the ground on your back, it's like the world is your backpack and you're carrying it through space
From Instagram: @showerthoughtsdaily
Monday, October 17, 2016
If Netflix required you to sign in frequently... 80 percent of the people I know wouldn't have Netflix.
Anyone else still using their ex-girlfriends sister's account?
In English, we say, "I am twenty seven years old," but in Italian they say, "I have twenty seven years." English inherently equates age with something you ARE, with your identity as a person. Italian inherently equates age with something you HAVE, how long you've had experiences under your belt.
Edit: Thanks for the responses. If I'm wrong about it having a subtle effect, then I'd definitely rather know than not. I've heard native Italian speakers say that there is a slight difference in thought on this so I was just under that impression.
Please don't read too much into my post. This thought was not intended to be all "whoa there is no spoon". I always thought this language difference was like how it rubs me the wrong way when someone says my son "has autism" as opposed to when they say he " is autistic". One of them implies that there is a disorder on top of who the person is and the other implies that it's just who the person is. It's subtle but there is a difference in that case between have and is and how it can make it sound to a person.
Really, not trying to be deep with the language thing, just thought it was interesting if people thought of age differently based on how they describe it.
It blows my mind that humans can "accidentally" produce life.
"I got too drunk one night and created a sentient being. Whoops"
Edit: guys im not advocating alcohol or unprotected sex. I meant that it's crazy to me how it took 4 billion years for life to evolve and now some idiot can create it in 1 night. I do not have any children or drunk driving arrests. Please stop sending me angry messages.
If an asteroid wiped out humanity, burying our bodies far beneath the surface, under huge pressure and heat for milllions of years, turning us into oil. What are the chances of intelligent species coming to life, extracting us, molding us into colorful shafts that pleasure their genitals?
Edit: i know todays oil consist most of plants and algea, but what if next batch of oil would be us?
Sunday, October 16, 2016
Saturday, October 15, 2016
When I have kids, they'll grow up with three Star Wars trilogies, eight Harry Potter movies, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy all available to watch whenever they want. They'll never know my pain
And then all of Game of Thrones to watch when they're old enough. Wouldn't hold out hope for all the Song of Ice and Fire books though
I think I look better when I don't wear glasses, but that's because I need glasses.
I'm blind past 2 feet.
Friday, October 14, 2016
When an elder generation complains about about bad a younger generation is, they are basically saying that they sucked at raising kids.
When an elder generation complains about how bad a younger generation is, they are basically saying that they sucked at raising kids.
Thursday, October 13, 2016
If items in a vending machine were all $1 instead of $1.15 or $1.25, I'd be much more inclined to buy something.
I will avoid buying something that I want if it means I don't have to carry change.
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
As a cop with a body camera, I can no longer make things like marijuana "disappear" and let you go with a warning, seeing as how all video is open to public records.
Edit: Guys... I'm not saying I don't want a body camera. In one of my replies I explain how much I love it! Just wanted to clarify so I don't keep getting all these hate comments about how I'm trying to get out of wearing a body camera. Edit 2: I know there are some rude people out there, but some of you are just plain evil. Calling me a "fat pig" "high school drop out" and so on. What have I personally done to cause you to hate me so much? I'm sorry if you don't like the police, but I'm just one person trying to do the right thing.
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